"Why would you put Johnny Weir on the pre-show for FOOTBALL?!" people asked.
Because people like me will watch it, that's why. Even before it began, Johnny won the Super Bowl, just as he had won the Kentucky Derby. I have to give credit where credit is due: Amy predicted as early as January 22nd that he would wear a football on his head. This can only mean one thing: Amy is secretly friends with Johnny Weir's milliner.
Then came a commercial with Snoop dispensing medical advice that did not include smoking marijuana. (The apocalypse must be coming soon.)
Up next, John Legend sang a song while all the college-aged flag girls looked at him like "maybe if I stare at him hard enough, he will marry me." Good try, college-aged flag girls. I would have tried the same strategy. He's married though, so your flag will come in handy to wipe away your tears of sadness, ladies.
And then everyone stood with their hands over their hearts while Queen Elsa sang "Let It Go."
Finally, the game started. And the commercials got off to a slow start. Or should I say, a depressing start: Nationwide drowned a child in a bathtub, Coca-cola bullied us, and GE made us feel terrible for having ideas. ALSO, TOYOTA AND NISSAN CAN GO TO HELL FOR MAKING EVERYONE FEEL BAD FOR NOT CALLING THEIR FATHER.
Ahem.
Thankfully, Katy Perry and her Golden Idol from Exodus 32 showed up to make us all happy.
And then there was this... Could you imagine if it was your job to be Dancing Shark #2? I hope this person applies at my place of employment so I can interview them. "So tell me about your biggest accomplishment as a shark."
Surprise guest Missy Elliott sang that song from Tomb Raider, which reminds me that I should rewatch Tomb Raider. That was a good movie.
To round out the half time show, a live-action "The More You Know" commercial happened.
Okay, back to football, which had interceptions, and Tom Brady drinking what might have been vodka from a Gatorade bottle, and the worse play calling EVER. The Patriots won, and now we'll all have to hear about deflated footballs until Whitney Houston's daughter comes off of life support. (Too soon?) But my boss who grew up in New England will be happy tomorrow, and that's the extent of my caring. Hope ya'll enjoyed!
Because people like me will watch it, that's why. Even before it began, Johnny won the Super Bowl, just as he had won the Kentucky Derby. I have to give credit where credit is due: Amy predicted as early as January 22nd that he would wear a football on his head. This can only mean one thing: Amy is secretly friends with Johnny Weir's milliner.
Then came a commercial with Snoop dispensing medical advice that did not include smoking marijuana. (The apocalypse must be coming soon.)
Up next, John Legend sang a song while all the college-aged flag girls looked at him like "maybe if I stare at him hard enough, he will marry me." Good try, college-aged flag girls. I would have tried the same strategy. He's married though, so your flag will come in handy to wipe away your tears of sadness, ladies.
And then everyone stood with their hands over their hearts while Queen Elsa sang "Let It Go."
Finally, the game started. And the commercials got off to a slow start. Or should I say, a depressing start: Nationwide drowned a child in a bathtub, Coca-cola bullied us, and GE made us feel terrible for having ideas. ALSO, TOYOTA AND NISSAN CAN GO TO HELL FOR MAKING EVERYONE FEEL BAD FOR NOT CALLING THEIR FATHER.
Ahem.
Thankfully, Katy Perry and her Golden Idol from Exodus 32 showed up to make us all happy.
And then there was this... Could you imagine if it was your job to be Dancing Shark #2? I hope this person applies at my place of employment so I can interview them. "So tell me about your biggest accomplishment as a shark."
Surprise guest Missy Elliott sang that song from Tomb Raider, which reminds me that I should rewatch Tomb Raider. That was a good movie.
To round out the half time show, a live-action "The More You Know" commercial happened.
Okay, back to football, which had interceptions, and Tom Brady drinking what might have been vodka from a Gatorade bottle, and the worse play calling EVER. The Patriots won, and now we'll all have to hear about deflated footballs until Whitney Houston's daughter comes off of life support. (Too soon?) But my boss who grew up in New England will be happy tomorrow, and that's the extent of my caring. Hope ya'll enjoyed!