Alyssa: And we begin with Emma Stone, who did a great job in Birdman, but not such a great job with this dress. It's like she's the human embodiment of a 1970's green kitchen.
Chris: I don't know, man, Emma Stone is really hot, but she looks really frumpy in that dress. DISLIKE.
Alyssa: Scar-Jo's dress is fine, but I'm pretty sure her necklace is actually an alien that is controlling her facial movements.
Chris: Maybe it's some sort of relic that will be in the new Indiana Jones movie.
Alyssa: J-Lo wins it for the "ponytail with ballgown" look. Ahh-mazing.
Chris: Yeah, her rack looked great too.
Alyssa: Nicole Kidman is wearing light green fish scales with a red Christmas ribbon while she carries a train case.
Chris: She brought a train case? Can we play trains? Is that what she does during commercial breaks--plays trains with Keith Urban?
Alyssa: Anna Faris was adorable when she and Chris Pratt talked about how they have a toddler at home and they're not going back home for a week because they'll be drinking. You know that purse is filled with vodka miniatures.
Chris: I just want to see the new Jurassic Park movie. Chris Pratt trained raptors. It looks amazing.
Alyssa: Gwyneth Paltrow, you need to consciously uncouple with this dress.
Chris: I dislike Pepper Potts' choice of wardrobe.
Alyssa: Hey Chris Pratt. Heeeeeeey.
Chris: Trained. Mother effing. Raptors.
Alyssa: Reese Witherspoon wants us to ask women less about their dresses, and more about their work. I admire you for that, Reese. Even if I don't like your dress.
Chris: It's kind of a boring dress.
Alyssa: Sophie Hunter looks glam even though I'm pretty sure she put her look together from things she found in her garage, from her nuts & bolts earrings, to the nails holding the sides of her dress together.
Chris: When is the next season of Sherlock coming out? I can't work with this picture.
Alyssa: Chloe Grace Moretz, I think these sheets were on the guest bed in my grandma's house growing up. Did you steal my grandma's sheets? Did you?
Chris: Where is Anna Kendrick? I liked her dress.
Alyssa: Galadriel (aka Cate Blanchett) knows how to work the statement necklace. Work it, girl!
Alyssa: Julianne Moore, why not wear ugly rosettes that make your figure ill-defined in a color that makes you look washed out?
Alyssa: JK Simmons and his wife look like they're going to a Texas prom in the 1980s. Adorable.
Chris: Good job, J. Jonah Jameson.
Alyssa: Huh? Who was that?
Chris: He was in Spiderman.
Alyssa: Spiderman sucks.
Chris: You're wrong.
Alyssa: ANYWAY.
Alyssa: I need to understand what type of underwear Chrissy Teigen is wearing. Because I was very concerned about her while she was giving interviews.
Chris: I think everyone saw what type of underwear she was wearing!
Alyssa: Lupito Nyong'o takes it in this custom dress with 6,000 pearls. She looks amazing. Also, her shoulders are gonna hurt tomorrow.
Chris: How many oysters do you think they had to shuck to get 6,000 pearls?
Alyssa: Someone always has to wear a dress that looks like it is half finished. This year it's Naomi Watts in this ugly number, including a sparkly tube top thing?
Alyssa: No, David Oyelowo. Just no.
Chris: Disagree. He looks awesome in that suit.
Alyssa: Did Nissa Kashani pay for someone to do this to her hair? Because this is how I do mine when I'm sick.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: I don't know.
Chris: Stop picking people who I don't know who they are.
Alyssa: Marion Cotillard, honey, I think they sent you this dress in the wrong size.
Chris: She was a terrible Talia al Ghul.
Alyssa: Laura Dern looks hot, and I'm pretty sure her dress could hurt me.
Chris: That's probably better bondage than the entire 50 Shades of Grey movie.
Alyssa: Dakota Johnson's dress is being held up by a very shiny rope.
Chris: I'm sure there's a bondage joke in their somewhere, but I used it up on the last picture.
Alyssa: Woah, Ethan Hawke's wife, why do you look like you're going to kill me with your eyes?!
Chris: Holy shit she looks pissed off!
Alyssa: will.i.am escaped from Train Conductor jail!
Chris: Why is will.i.am at the Oscars!? Who invited him to the Oscars? Ugh!
Alyssa: Anna Kendrick looks amazing.
Chris: Super hot. Kate Hudson of the Oscars. Give her all the Oscars!
Alyssa: Solange Knowles is hiding a whole elevator under her dress.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: Beyonce's sister. Remember, she beat up Jay-Z in an elevator?
Chris: So if you beat up someone in an elevator, you get to come to the Oscars?
Alyssa: Shannon Lamir clearly got drunk and lost a bet, and he had to wear this.
Chris: His suit looks very fuzzy. I think it would be soft if you petted him.
Alyssa: Lady Gaga is wearing industrial gloves so she won't hurt her nails while she finishes sewing the sleeves on her dress.
Chris: I'm tired of Lady Gaga looking weird just to look weird.
Alyssa: She just got engaged.
Chris: Have you ever seen pictures of here when she just looks like a normal person? She's actually pretty attractive.
Alyssa: Keira Knightly attempts to be some sort of woodland fairy (with writing) in this dress.
Chris: (makes angry noises)
Alyssa: Blanco Blanca skinned the devil and wore him.
Chris: Blanco Blanca? Where do you FIND these people?!
Alyssa: I'm in love with this dress America Ferrera is wearing. Steal it for me, baby!
Chris: I don't know, I don't really like it. Is she wearing a handcuff belt?
Alyssa: What? (sigh.)
Chris: Don't sigh at me!
Alyssa: Even Louise Roe seems to be irritated by the dress she's wearing.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: Does it matter?
Chris: It's more fun with people that I know!
Alyssa: You don't know half the people.
Chris: Then your list is going to have to get smaller.
Alyssa: Tracey Edmonds is wearing armor on top and a little black dress on the bottom.
Chris: Who is this?
Alyssa: Oh my God, this is the last one, can you just say something?
Chris: That's the last one? THAT'S the last one? That's what you're gonna wrap it up on? That's terrible.
Alyssa: Fine. Then I'm ending it with a shirtless picture of Chris Hemsworth. Thanks for reading, everyone!
Chris: I don't know, man, Emma Stone is really hot, but she looks really frumpy in that dress. DISLIKE.
Alyssa: Scar-Jo's dress is fine, but I'm pretty sure her necklace is actually an alien that is controlling her facial movements.
Chris: Maybe it's some sort of relic that will be in the new Indiana Jones movie.
Alyssa: J-Lo wins it for the "ponytail with ballgown" look. Ahh-mazing.
Chris: Yeah, her rack looked great too.
Alyssa: Nicole Kidman is wearing light green fish scales with a red Christmas ribbon while she carries a train case.
Chris: She brought a train case? Can we play trains? Is that what she does during commercial breaks--plays trains with Keith Urban?
Alyssa: Anna Faris was adorable when she and Chris Pratt talked about how they have a toddler at home and they're not going back home for a week because they'll be drinking. You know that purse is filled with vodka miniatures.
Chris: I just want to see the new Jurassic Park movie. Chris Pratt trained raptors. It looks amazing.
Alyssa: Gwyneth Paltrow, you need to consciously uncouple with this dress.
Chris: I dislike Pepper Potts' choice of wardrobe.
Alyssa: Hey Chris Pratt. Heeeeeeey.
Chris: Trained. Mother effing. Raptors.
Alyssa: Reese Witherspoon wants us to ask women less about their dresses, and more about their work. I admire you for that, Reese. Even if I don't like your dress.
Chris: It's kind of a boring dress.
Alyssa: Sophie Hunter looks glam even though I'm pretty sure she put her look together from things she found in her garage, from her nuts & bolts earrings, to the nails holding the sides of her dress together.
Chris: When is the next season of Sherlock coming out? I can't work with this picture.
Alyssa: Chloe Grace Moretz, I think these sheets were on the guest bed in my grandma's house growing up. Did you steal my grandma's sheets? Did you?
Chris: Where is Anna Kendrick? I liked her dress.
Alyssa: Galadriel (aka Cate Blanchett) knows how to work the statement necklace. Work it, girl!
Alyssa: Julianne Moore, why not wear ugly rosettes that make your figure ill-defined in a color that makes you look washed out?
Alyssa: JK Simmons and his wife look like they're going to a Texas prom in the 1980s. Adorable.
Chris: Good job, J. Jonah Jameson.
Alyssa: Huh? Who was that?
Chris: He was in Spiderman.
Alyssa: Spiderman sucks.
Chris: You're wrong.
Alyssa: ANYWAY.
Alyssa: I need to understand what type of underwear Chrissy Teigen is wearing. Because I was very concerned about her while she was giving interviews.
Chris: I think everyone saw what type of underwear she was wearing!
Alyssa: Lupito Nyong'o takes it in this custom dress with 6,000 pearls. She looks amazing. Also, her shoulders are gonna hurt tomorrow.
Chris: How many oysters do you think they had to shuck to get 6,000 pearls?
Alyssa: Someone always has to wear a dress that looks like it is half finished. This year it's Naomi Watts in this ugly number, including a sparkly tube top thing?
Alyssa: No, David Oyelowo. Just no.
Chris: Disagree. He looks awesome in that suit.
Alyssa: Did Nissa Kashani pay for someone to do this to her hair? Because this is how I do mine when I'm sick.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: I don't know.
Chris: Stop picking people who I don't know who they are.
Alyssa: Marion Cotillard, honey, I think they sent you this dress in the wrong size.
Chris: She was a terrible Talia al Ghul.
Alyssa: Laura Dern looks hot, and I'm pretty sure her dress could hurt me.
Chris: That's probably better bondage than the entire 50 Shades of Grey movie.
Alyssa: Dakota Johnson's dress is being held up by a very shiny rope.
Chris: I'm sure there's a bondage joke in their somewhere, but I used it up on the last picture.
Alyssa: Woah, Ethan Hawke's wife, why do you look like you're going to kill me with your eyes?!
Chris: Holy shit she looks pissed off!
Alyssa: will.i.am escaped from Train Conductor jail!
Chris: Why is will.i.am at the Oscars!? Who invited him to the Oscars? Ugh!
Alyssa: Anna Kendrick looks amazing.
Chris: Super hot. Kate Hudson of the Oscars. Give her all the Oscars!
Alyssa: Solange Knowles is hiding a whole elevator under her dress.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: Beyonce's sister. Remember, she beat up Jay-Z in an elevator?
Chris: So if you beat up someone in an elevator, you get to come to the Oscars?
Alyssa: Shannon Lamir clearly got drunk and lost a bet, and he had to wear this.
Chris: His suit looks very fuzzy. I think it would be soft if you petted him.
Alyssa: Lady Gaga is wearing industrial gloves so she won't hurt her nails while she finishes sewing the sleeves on her dress.
Chris: I'm tired of Lady Gaga looking weird just to look weird.
Alyssa: She just got engaged.
Chris: Have you ever seen pictures of here when she just looks like a normal person? She's actually pretty attractive.
Alyssa: Keira Knightly attempts to be some sort of woodland fairy (with writing) in this dress.
Chris: (makes angry noises)
Alyssa: Blanco Blanca skinned the devil and wore him.
Chris: Blanco Blanca? Where do you FIND these people?!
Alyssa: I'm in love with this dress America Ferrera is wearing. Steal it for me, baby!
Chris: I don't know, I don't really like it. Is she wearing a handcuff belt?
Alyssa: What? (sigh.)
Chris: Don't sigh at me!
Alyssa: Even Louise Roe seems to be irritated by the dress she's wearing.
Chris: Who is that?
Alyssa: Does it matter?
Chris: It's more fun with people that I know!
Alyssa: You don't know half the people.
Chris: Then your list is going to have to get smaller.
Alyssa: Tracey Edmonds is wearing armor on top and a little black dress on the bottom.
Chris: Who is this?
Alyssa: Oh my God, this is the last one, can you just say something?
Chris: That's the last one? THAT'S the last one? That's what you're gonna wrap it up on? That's terrible.
Alyssa: Fine. Then I'm ending it with a shirtless picture of Chris Hemsworth. Thanks for reading, everyone!