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Special to the Shame Squad: The SAG Awards

Meryl Streep goes for "Sexy Librarian" with the glasses and shoes, and "Chico's Model" for the dress.

Amy Adams, honey, they forgot to finish your gown.

Luciana Damon gets points for making her dress out of a tablecloth from my mom's dining room, but loses points for forgetting to iron it.

Emma Thompson lost a bet and had to wear this.  "No really, I love jeweled parrots on my dresses!"

Remember these rattan chairs from the 80's?  

Natalie Dormer painted them black and upcycled them in to sleeves.

Rita Moreno is All Harley on the top, All Chinese Restaurant Curtains on the bottom.

Kerry Washington couldn't decide which 80's Mother-of-the-Bride Dress she liked better, so she wore one half of each!

Ariel Winter's dress is fine, but apparently she thought she might get hungry during the awards and made her own snack tray.  I kind of feel like there's a plastic baggie of Cheerios hiding in her cleavage.

We GET IT, Mayim Bialik, you're weird.  But you'll never be as weird as Helena Bonham Carter, so just take off this lace and satin disaster right now.

Is Alfre Woodard dating Alfred Angelo?  She looks gorgeous...for a mid-90's prom model.

Cat Blanchett just came from a very fancy lobster dinner.

I need some Advil just to look at Malin Akerman.

Lena Heady goes for that "Prison Chic" look.

I bet Zoe Kazan thought, "you know what would make this aqua and black disaster better?  A bow."

Jane Krakowski has decided to cover one shoulder and one eye.

Patricia Arquette recycles her old dress from her high school madrigal singing days.

Julie Bowen is ready for Halloween!  A weird, very geometric Halloween.

Q: What's Sarah Paulson hiding under her skirt?
A: All of her Botox needles.

Is Mindy Kaling wearing a rope around her waist?  She's pretty much phoning this one in.

Amanda Peet, it's like you're trying to end up on this blog.

Why minimize your waist and hide your cankles when you can do the exact opposite, Edie Falco?

And finally, they both look lovely, but are Sibel Kekilli and John Bradley an item?!  
If so, good for you, John Bradley.


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