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The Olympic Outfits of Johnny Weir, rated

The Verner girls are back, 4 years later, to discuss the outfits of Johnny Weir. (And the crowd goes wild!)

Since writing about his Sochi wardrobe, it has been one of my top posts of all time. Other highly rated posts include a post about the palaces of Hawaii, how to pack for vacation, a Pampered Chef cheesy pasta recipe, and Meghan Markle tiara predictions. You guys are an eclectic group.

Speaking of eclectic, let's talk about Johnny's overall look.

First, let me start off by saying that yes, I know that Johnny looks like a cross between the Hunger Games, Pee Wee Herman, and Colonel Sanders. So obviously, I've seen that one post on Twitter about it. And that meme on Facebook. And that thread on Reddit.

Johnny is not one for subtlety. One year he said he was going to go with a "not-so-literal" interpretation for his Kentucky Derby hat, and he then literally wore a crown of roses and a mint julep on his head.


Basically, Johnny would not know subtle if it not-so-subtly bit him. But that's okay, that's why we love him. And with that, let's go to the outfits!


Alyssa: This is the look that started it off. With this outfit, Johnny basically declared "I'm going to wear a red sequin tuxedo jacket and a pussy bow and do my hair like the Hunger Games and you are going to LIKE IT." Tara's dress might be made out of plastic gems from the craft store, but who cares? 5 out of 5.

Amy: This basically set the tone for the whole Olympic Games. The red sequins were, in a way, preparing us for the (spoiler alert!) cardinals that would come to roost in his lustrous, shoe-polish black locks later in the week. Grade: B



Alyssa: there's nothing inherently wrong with this, but there's also nothing right about it either. Terry Gannon (with his adorable pink pocket square) and Tara look the best here, like they're going to a springtime wedding. Johnny looks like he went to a second-rate NYC thrift store. I give it a 2 out of 5, and feel like that's generous.

Amy: I agree. That pink is really pink. like, there's a little girl out there somewhere with a plastic purse and play lipstick this color. Terry Gannon is like... uh, OK guys, I'm not really sure about you, but here! I'll put a pink pocket square in my suit pocket! Don't attack me with the Bedazzler! (Note: The Bedazzler is still a thing. Order now: www.getbedazzler.com) Grade: B





Alyssa: This first picture picture does not do this outfit justice. Johnny's sweater has owls on it. Johnny's hair has birds in it. As you know, I texted you to tell you that "JOHNNY WEIR HAS BIRDS IN HIS HAIR TO SO TURN ON THE TV RIGHT NOW." He's also wearing a fantastic pearl bracelet, and a pearl....sash? I feel like that's what's been missing from my work wardrobe: a pearl sash. I also like Tara's sweater. It looks soft and warm. 5 out of 5.

Amy: This was one of my favorites, and the fact that the sweater is vintage made it even more amazing. Which I may or may not remember from following Johnny on Facebook and reading all the captions and hashtags. BONUS: Pearl sash doubles as a jump rope for some cardio in between rehearsals. Grade: A.


Alyssa: Johnny told us in a video that this harness was on loan. You know, I'm not sure that "I need to borrow a bejeweled harness" would ever have been a thought before in my life, but I guess it is now. I like this jacket, I like the pants. I don't feel like the harness goes with the shirt, but overall this is a good look for him. Tara looks like the girlfriend of a 80's movie villain, so we're gonna have to take some points off of the overall Grade of Execution. 3 out of 5.

Amy: I like Tara's dress, but can't figure out if it's symmetrical or asymmetrical. I don't teach symmetry in fourth grade so maybe that's the problem. The harness IS really something, too. It looks almost like European Royalty. Maybe it was a commendation for Best Birds in Hair at The Olympics. Grade: C+


Alyssa: Now it's Tara's turn to carry the team. I love the pattern and fabric on this dress. I think I'm bothered by the fact that she isn't wearing a lot of sleeves. We know it's cold in there, Tara! This outfit on Johnny is awful, and I want to brush his hair big time. Johnny's coat looks like a Project Runway design that's "safe," but not in a good way. 2 out of 5

Amy: I can't see anything for Johnny's crazy hair. Is that... sections of black combed over a white, spongy foam doughnut? He sort of looks like Maleficent, but much more likely to enjoy brunch and Broadway shows. Grade: C


Alyssa: Okay, I know I just said all of her sleeveless dresses have to go, but I don't mind this one. And technically it has a sleeve. Tara also has some amazing earrings. I love Johnny's gaudy necklace, I love his sparkly jacket, I love everything about this. 5 out of 5

Amy: They are ready to hit The Club. I like the one-sleeve look and that the one sleeve is a bit wider than it really needs to be. Grade: C+



Alyssa: This is awful in every way. Tara should have left this dress in the 80's, and those chucks belong back in her hotel room with her jeans and sweaters. I want to buy Johnny some socks, and also a trash bag for that jacket and turtleneck. By the way, you and I asked Johnny to throw that same jacket away when he wore is in Sochi. And it earns the same score again: 0 out of 5.

Amy: I was scarred for life by turtlenecks in the late 80s and early 90s, so I can't ever really support ANYONE wearing turtlenecks. I used to wear them under my jumpers. The jumpers I wore for some reason while I was in middle school. Who thought it was a good idea?? Grade: D+


Alyssa: I love Johnny's coat. I want Johnny's coat. And I want Tara's dress to have 33% less patterns. At least it has sleeves. 3 out of 5.

Amy: Tara is all or nothing with the sleeves.And Johnny looks like he's showing Sleeve Solidarity here: "Hey, Tara, you're wearing two long sleeves? Great work! I'm going to support you!" Also, I feel like Johnny's makeup is more subdued here. Not sure if there is a hidden meaning or not. Maybe he's just tired from all the sparkles and holding those birds in his hair. Grade: B




Alyssa: I don't believe this look made it on air. If it did, I didn't see it. So this is "casual Johnny." I think that this would look very dramatic as curtains. I'm not sure how much I love it as clothes. 3 out of 5. If I'm allowed to hang it up like drapes, it'd be a 4 out of 5.

Amy: I actually like this, it looks comfy. Well, except for the tight leather pants. But the flowy kimono looks comfy. I would wear it with cotton leggings. Grade: B


Alyssa: They wore this for the 20th anniversary of Tara's Nagano gold medal win. Tara looks fierce and her hair looks vaguely like it is made of plastic. She's basically She-Ra in 2018. Her makeup, and outfit (even without sleeves) is on point. Johnny is letting her take center stage here, and other than wanting to cut that mop off his head, I dig his look. Verdict: 5 out of 5.

Amy: I mean, I think she can wear a sleeveless, short dress, because she is basically like 73 pounds. I'm not wild about his jacket, but it doesn't have a turtleneck (or a jumper) so I guess it's OK. Grade: B+


Alyssa: This is the look where everyone started texted me and IMing to say "are you watching Johnny Weir right now?!" Guys, of course I am. Terry and Tara look like a couple going to a New Years Eve party. Johnny looks like their fairy godmother who is storing his wand in his hair. I give this final look a 5 out of 5.

Amy:
There is SO MUCH bling happening on his head, it's like the craft store came to roost up there! (Not the birds, the craft store.) However, I like the overall black, white, and SPARKLE look, and it's appropriate for the Closing Ceremonies, very classic and chic. I do have to wonder, though, where Tara keeps leaving the sleeves of her dresses? Sometimes she's missing one sleeve, sometimes both. Maybe the Russians have them. Grade: A

Alyssa:
In a world where the headlines are dominated by indictments, shootings, and sexual harassment, it was a nice escape to look at one man and his sparkly, avian-adorned hair. Johnny Weir, you're the hero that we so desperately need, but don't deserve.

Amy: Johnny Weir, you make me forget Russian collusion, sexual harassment, and the jumpers and turtlenecks I wore in middle school. At least for a few minutes.

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