Alyssa: Before this, I wouldn't have believed that ANY man could pull off a sequined blazer. Clearly, I was wrong. 4 out of 5.
Amy: Well, I suppose if anyone in the world COULD pull off a sequined blazer, it would be Johnny Weir. Either him or Alex Trebek. I'm going 5 out of 5 because it's just so sparkly.
Alyssa: I'd like to point out that Amy and I have met Alex Trebek, and he is nowhere near as much fabulous as J-Weir.
Alyssa: I can't get behind this one. The color and the Chanel brooch remind me of the Simpsons episode where Marge finds a Chanel suit on sale. She wore it better. 3 out of 5.
Amy: I give it a 4 out of 5 in the artistic pocketry category. More pockets mean more places to put your fab-U-lous, right?
Alyssa: This is so fantastic. He looks like he just spent a day in Middleburg and won ALL THE PONIES. Giddyup! 5 out of 5.
Amy: I like the rosette and its understated fabulosity. It says, "I could be wearing a tiara right now, but instead, I'm wearing a hot pink rosette. Deal with it." But, I'm gonna have to give it a 4 out of 5 because there aren't nearly enough sequins. Or pockets.
Alyssa: See that trash can he's standing next to? That's where this outfit should go. I'm assuming the bow tie used to be part of a Halloween costume, and he stole the pants from one of the women's curling teams. 1 out of 5.
Amy: I'm so confused by this outfit. Victorian Vampire on the top, someone's upholstered ottoman, on the bottom, middle-aged lady in the middle. I'm with Alyssa on this one. 1/5.
Alyssa: If anyone else threw some weeds and a perfectly hideous Chanel brooch in their hair, it'd be a disaster. But not here! 4 out of 5.
Amy: I'm thinking of wearing my hair like this when I get married. I mean, my theme IS Chanel brooches, yellow berries, and Johnny Weir. Look on Pinterest if you don't believe me! Also, I'm jealous of his well-defined cheekbones. 5 out of 5.
Alyssa: Don't say anything, but Amy has been a total bridezilla with the whole brooches-berries-Weir theme. She had us looking at invitations for HOURS just so we could pick ones that would "make Johnny proud." It's getting a little out of hand, if you ask me.
Alyssa: This was my favorite--the tiara headband, the green jacket, the jeans. He's the closest thing we have to royalty in America. 5 out of 5.
Amy: This one also has extra pockets. Green pockets. Where can I get some extra pockets? Are these a trend now? I can't rate this one, I have to go out and find some pockets NOW.
Alyssa: This looks like he took a 1980's futon and made it in to a jacket. 1 out of 5. (The score is even posted next to him.)
Amy: A 1980's futon from the American Southwest. Or the remnants from the Rorschach test textile factory. This jacket should take a clue from the sign on the door and EXIT. 1 out of 5.
Alyssa: I strongly suspect that Johnny and Tara got totally coked out in a Sochi hotel room, and then "conceptualized" outfits. "Today will be Grecian day" they exlaimed! Props to her for not even trying to compete with that necklace. 5 out of 5.
Amy: I'm with Alyssa on this one. You can't go wrong with matching headbands. Matching gold braided Grecian headbands. I have to give it a 4 out of 5, though, because Johnny shared some of his fabulosity with Tara. He should keep it all. In his pockets.
Alyssa: This is what my hair looks like after working out for an hour, and the brooch is ugly. But I do love the sweater. It's like Banana Republic met the jewelry counter at Kohl's. 3 out of 5.
Amy: I can't even see his sweater, I am transfixed by his hair. He's wearing a sweater? His hair! All I see is a huge, black, swirly curl. 2 out of 5.
Alyssa: I need his jacket. And his makeup. And his necklace. It's almost like he's saying "it doesn't matter how you skate, peons. Johnny Weir is the gold medalist here." 5 out of 5.
Amy: Wow. This one is like... Miami Vice meets Mr. T.If only he could have worked in some Rainbow Brite tights, GI Joe camouflage, or a My Little Pony mane. However, I'll still give him a 5 out of 5 for channeling the '80s.
Alyssa: This one is a total train wreck. I feel like Bob Costas sewed this while he had his double eye infection. 0 out of 5.
Amy: There are so many pleats! Neck pleating, chest pleating, pants pleating! Johnny, I'm PLEATING with you to take this off! But, I'll give it a 1 out of 5 because you're totally rocking the smoldering look.
Alyssa: God bless you, Johnny Weir. In an Olympics filled with injuries, stray dogs, and unfinished hotel rooms, you were a fabulous ray of sunshine.
Amy: A fabulous, fabulous ray of brooch-y, sequin-y, blazer-y sunshine. 5 out of 5.