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Special to the Shame Squad: Olympic Outfits

Argentina decided to dress as the janitorial staff of your local middle school. 1 out of 5.
Argentina

Oh France, what are we gonna do with you?  Couture on the top, lazy IT Project Manager on the bottom.  3 out of 5.
France

Italy gets how to do high fashion at the Olympics.  No surprise there.  5 out of 5.
Italy

But Mexico does even better!  Nicely done, land of chips & salsa!  Also 5 out of 5.
Mexico

But the real sartorial splendor of the night went to Monaco.  I bet their outfits cost more than my house.  6 out of 5.
Monaco

Dominica thought they were going to the Hunger Games.  1 out of 5.
Dominica

Well hellooooo ladies of Denmark in your skinny jeans and brown boots!  5 out of 5.
Denmark

Czech Republic hats by Hot Topic.  1 out of 5.
Czech Republic

Bosnia and Herzegovina stole these from astronaut camp.  In the 1980s.  2 out of 5.

Bosnia and Herzegovina

And Cyprus stole them from astronaut camp in the 90s.  Still 2 out of 5.
Cyprus

And Kazakhstan went all the way back to astronaut camp in the 70s.  Again, 2 out of 5.
Kazakhstan

Bulgaria, Christmas was two months ago.  1 out of 5.
Bulgaria

Angola and Poland channel the Fair Isle Sweater look for the win.  5 out of 5.
Andorra

Poland

Sweden saves themselves from those hideous jackets with awesome scarves.  4 out of 5.
Sweden

Spain stole their jackets from a boy's prep school.  1 out of 5.
Spain

Oh my God Tonga, what are you doing?  Did you steal these from Florida retirees?  0 out of 5.
Tonga

No, Togo.  Just...no.  1 out of 5.
Togo

And here we go with the red jacket contingent.  3 out of 5 for Albania, Armenia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Chile, Lebanon, Malta, Montenegro, Philippines, San Marino, Switzerland, Timor-Leste, and Zimbabwe.

Albania

Armenia

Austria

Azerbaijan

Belarus

Chile

Lebanon

Malta

Montenegro

Philippines

San Marino

Switzerland

Timor-Leste

Zimbabwe

We'll give Canada a 4 out of 5 because of the beards and cute toggles on their coats.
Canada

Georgia similarly bails themselves out of the Red Parade with some fun scarves.  4 out of 5.
Georgia

In the Puffy Jacket category, Australia doesn't pull it off.  2 out of 5.
Australia

But Great Britain does.  5 out of 5.
Great Britain

Taipei, brought to you by Snuggie.  1 out of 5.
Chinese Taipei

Belguim wins the Sassy Zippers prize.  5 out of 5.
Belgium

Bermuda keeps it real in...what else?  Bermuda shorts!  Love. It.  5 out of 5.

Bermuda

Ski jackets and flip flops?  You go, Cayman Islands!  5 out of 5.
Cayman Islands

I just don't even know what to say about Germany's uniforms that allegedly honor the Sochi area.  Or are from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  Or show gay pride.  Or wicked tie dye skills.  ? out of 5.
Germany

I'm getting Hungary for some Chef Boyardee!  (Get it.)  1 out of 5 for terrible outfits and even worse puns.
Hungary

Kyrgyzstan gets 5 out of 5 just for those sweet, sweet hats.
Kyrgyzstan

Liechtenstein totally got beat in paintball before the ceremony.  1 out of 5.
Liechtenstein

Go home, Peru.  You're drunk.  0 out of 5.
Peru

Norway came in hospital scrubs and hats made of duct tape.  1 out of 5.
Norway

New Zealand goes for that "Game of Thrones at a track meet" look.  2 out of 5.
New Zealand

Santa Claus is coming to tooooooooooown.  1 out of 5, Russia.
Russia

Pretty sure the Republic of Moldova (aka this one dude) just bought this hat at Target.  An you know what?  Good for him.  5 out of 5.
Republic of Moldova

The British Virgin Islands go for that "Modern Day Robin Hood" look.  3 out of 5.
Virgin Islands, British

1 point for being made in the USA.  Otherwise... what?!  1 out of 5.
United States of America

And the winner?  Lithuania, brought to you by Mountain Dew.  5 out of 5.
Lithuania


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