Argentina decided to dress as the janitorial staff of your local middle school. 1 out of 5.
Oh France, what are we gonna do with you? Couture on the top, lazy IT Project Manager on the bottom. 3 out of 5.
Italy gets how to do high fashion at the Olympics. No surprise there. 5 out of 5.
But Mexico does even better! Nicely done, land of chips & salsa! Also 5 out of 5.
But the real sartorial splendor of the night went to Monaco. I bet their outfits cost more than my house. 6 out of 5.
Dominica thought they were going to the Hunger Games. 1 out of 5.
Well hellooooo ladies of Denmark in your skinny jeans and brown boots! 5 out of 5.
Czech Republic hats by Hot Topic. 1 out of 5.
Bosnia and Herzegovina stole these from astronaut camp. In the 1980s. 2 out of 5.
And Cyprus stole them from astronaut camp in the 90s. Still 2 out of 5.
And Kazakhstan went all the way back to astronaut camp in the 70s. Again, 2 out of 5.
Bulgaria, Christmas was two months ago. 1 out of 5.
Angola and Poland channel the Fair Isle Sweater look for the win. 5 out of 5.
Sweden saves themselves from those hideous jackets with awesome scarves. 4 out of 5.
Spain stole their jackets from a boy's prep school. 1 out of 5.
Oh my God Tonga, what are you doing? Did you steal these from Florida retirees? 0 out of 5.
No, Togo. Just...no. 1 out of 5.
And here we go with the red jacket contingent. 3 out of 5 for Albania, Armenia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Chile, Lebanon, Malta, Montenegro, Philippines, San Marino, Switzerland, Timor-Leste, and Zimbabwe.
We'll give Canada a 4 out of 5 because of the beards and cute toggles on their coats.
Georgia similarly bails themselves out of the Red Parade with some fun scarves. 4 out of 5.
In the Puffy Jacket category, Australia doesn't pull it off. 2 out of 5.
But Great Britain does. 5 out of 5.
Taipei, brought to you by Snuggie. 1 out of 5.
Belguim wins the Sassy Zippers prize. 5 out of 5.
Bermuda keeps it real in...what else? Bermuda shorts! Love. It. 5 out of 5.
Ski jackets and flip flops? You go, Cayman Islands! 5 out of 5.
I just don't even know what to say about Germany's uniforms that allegedly honor the Sochi area. Or are from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Or show gay pride. Or wicked tie dye skills. ? out of 5.
I'm getting Hungary for some Chef Boyardee! (Get it.) 1 out of 5 for terrible outfits and even worse puns.
Kyrgyzstan gets 5 out of 5 just for those sweet, sweet hats.
Liechtenstein totally got beat in paintball before the ceremony. 1 out of 5.
Go home, Peru. You're drunk. 0 out of 5.
Norway came in hospital scrubs and hats made of duct tape. 1 out of 5.
New Zealand goes for that "Game of Thrones at a track meet" look. 2 out of 5.
Santa Claus is coming to tooooooooooown. 1 out of 5, Russia.
Pretty sure the Republic of Moldova (aka this one dude) just bought this hat at Target. An you know what? Good for him. 5 out of 5.
The British Virgin Islands go for that "Modern Day Robin Hood" look. 3 out of 5.
1 point for being made in the USA. Otherwise... what?! 1 out of 5.
And the winner? Lithuania, brought to you by Mountain Dew. 5 out of 5.
