Such excellent charity walk sponsors today! As promised, I have compared my donors to attractive members of the European monarchy.
Let's start with my former co-worker Andrea, who had an adorable preemie of her own several years ago. Andrea is ridiculously beautiful, even when her friends and family have forced her to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses. Not that I personally have ever done that, because I like Andrea too much. Andrea's daughter Audrey was nicknamed "Sourpatch" for a bit, because she did Sourpatchy things. Like poop in her closet. But now Aud seems to be on the up-and-up, except for when Andrea forgets to bring water to her brother's basketball game. Because Audrey needs water now, dammit.
For their preciousness, I'm making Princesses Victoria and Estelle of Sweden the honorary emblems of Andrea and Audrey.
Here they are, all fancy. Seriously, look at that amazing hair. And bling. Need it. NEED IT.
Up next is former co-worker Jason, who put in a request to be Prince Daniel Westerling of Sweden. Who am I to say no? Of note is that Prince Daniel is married to Princess Victoria. While Jason and Andrea aren't married to each other, they do work together. But it'd never work out between the two of them. Especially since they live 800 miles apart. Jason and Andrea, that is. Not Princess Victoria & Prince Daniel.
Fun fact: Prince Daniel used to be Princess Victoria's trainer. Here he is with a look like "ha ha, suckers, I'm nailing the future queen." Which is basically the same look Jason gives everyone when he and his Hot Jewish Lawyer(tm) wife come out drinking with us, and she has too many margaritas.
Then we have former co-worker Yuki. You would think that I would go with the obvious Asian route here and show some oppressed Japanese princesses, but NO. Because I once made Yuki a coupon for A Day without Asian Jokes, and she never redeemed it. Why? She said I couldn't do it. She was right.
Yuki is tiny, and precious, and adorable. One time Yuki fell at work, and it was the most graceful fall I have ever seen. Ballerinas would weep to see The Graceful Falling of Yuki at the Pottery Barn. I just want to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. She's also insanely stylish. So far that reason, she's gonna be Queen Letizia from Spain. She's so coordinated! And on trend!
Plus she's got some seriously awesome tiara hair. And amazing cheekbones. Which Yuki also has. (PS - Yuki's cheeks get red when she drinks because her "little Asian heart is beating so fast!" See, I told you I couldn't do it.)
On to Amy T, who knew me in middle and high school, but still talks to me anyway. Thanks, Amy! From kind of paying attention to Facebook, I gather that Amy may have had a preemie, and I think she was baking something at the time when her son made his appearance. I do not believe she put the baby in the oven though.
We'll go a little literal here, with Princess Aimee of Orange-Nassau, who married in to a family of boys, and Amy T has three, if you include her husband. ;) Speaking of her husband, they were high school sweethearts, while Princess Aimee and her husband (Prince Floris) were college sweethearts. Precious.
Here's Aimee, rocking a crazy-ass hat:
And here she is on her wedding day. Awwwww.
Another former coworker is Liz. Liz is from the South, so her name is two syllables. LEE-uhz. Love it. Liz is a total badass (sorry I said badass, Liz--I know you don't like cussing--but you are one). LEE-uhz is in to fitness, and being hilarious, and she and I used to talk in hashtags before Twitter ever came on the scene. So I guess you could say that Liz and I invented Twitter. #yourewelcome
Clearly, for being sporty and strong and kick ass, LEE-uhz is Zara Phillips. Zara is the daughter of Princess Anne, but Anne didn't want her to have a royal title, so she's not a princess. #rude She is an Olympic Medalist, though, so she's definitely got that going for her.
Here she is being classy:
And here she is being sassy:
Another contender in the Royal Gentlemen category is my dad. My dad is a fancy pants author who writes about World War II. So naturally, his Royal Spirit Animal is King George VI. Because he was around for WWII. And he wrote things. (Namely speeches that he didn't want to give.)
My dad also spent what I assume were 18+ torturous years in a house with three women--a wife and two daughters. Just like King George. And, similar to the royal family of the forties and fifties, we often made balcony appearances in our crowns. Thanks, dad!
Last but not least is my college pal Jen. We spent lots of time drinking coffee in the Fan and trying not to die while crossing the intersection at Franklin. Jen is tiny and fierce and altruistic and teaches exercise classes at 6 a.m. in the snow so she might also be insane. You know who was also fierce and altruistic and loved exercise?
Boom! Princess Diana.
She also had a rockin' body. Must have been all the Bodypump classes.
Would YOU like to be compared to a fabulous but useless figurehead of a semi-relevant monarchy? Well then make a donation to my March for Babies Walk, and you too will inherit these treasures!
Let's start with my former co-worker Andrea, who had an adorable preemie of her own several years ago. Andrea is ridiculously beautiful, even when her friends and family have forced her to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses. Not that I personally have ever done that, because I like Andrea too much. Andrea's daughter Audrey was nicknamed "Sourpatch" for a bit, because she did Sourpatchy things. Like poop in her closet. But now Aud seems to be on the up-and-up, except for when Andrea forgets to bring water to her brother's basketball game. Because Audrey needs water now, dammit.
For their preciousness, I'm making Princesses Victoria and Estelle of Sweden the honorary emblems of Andrea and Audrey.
Here they are, all fancy. Seriously, look at that amazing hair. And bling. Need it. NEED IT.
Up next is former co-worker Jason, who put in a request to be Prince Daniel Westerling of Sweden. Who am I to say no? Of note is that Prince Daniel is married to Princess Victoria. While Jason and Andrea aren't married to each other, they do work together. But it'd never work out between the two of them. Especially since they live 800 miles apart. Jason and Andrea, that is. Not Princess Victoria & Prince Daniel.
Fun fact: Prince Daniel used to be Princess Victoria's trainer. Here he is with a look like "ha ha, suckers, I'm nailing the future queen." Which is basically the same look Jason gives everyone when he and his Hot Jewish Lawyer(tm) wife come out drinking with us, and she has too many margaritas.
Then we have former co-worker Yuki. You would think that I would go with the obvious Asian route here and show some oppressed Japanese princesses, but NO. Because I once made Yuki a coupon for A Day without Asian Jokes, and she never redeemed it. Why? She said I couldn't do it. She was right.
Yuki is tiny, and precious, and adorable. One time Yuki fell at work, and it was the most graceful fall I have ever seen. Ballerinas would weep to see The Graceful Falling of Yuki at the Pottery Barn. I just want to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. She's also insanely stylish. So far that reason, she's gonna be Queen Letizia from Spain. She's so coordinated! And on trend!
Plus she's got some seriously awesome tiara hair. And amazing cheekbones. Which Yuki also has. (PS - Yuki's cheeks get red when she drinks because her "little Asian heart is beating so fast!" See, I told you I couldn't do it.)
On to Amy T, who knew me in middle and high school, but still talks to me anyway. Thanks, Amy! From kind of paying attention to Facebook, I gather that Amy may have had a preemie, and I think she was baking something at the time when her son made his appearance. I do not believe she put the baby in the oven though.
We'll go a little literal here, with Princess Aimee of Orange-Nassau, who married in to a family of boys, and Amy T has three, if you include her husband. ;) Speaking of her husband, they were high school sweethearts, while Princess Aimee and her husband (Prince Floris) were college sweethearts. Precious.
Here's Aimee, rocking a crazy-ass hat:
And here she is on her wedding day. Awwwww.
Another former coworker is Liz. Liz is from the South, so her name is two syllables. LEE-uhz. Love it. Liz is a total badass (sorry I said badass, Liz--I know you don't like cussing--but you are one). LEE-uhz is in to fitness, and being hilarious, and she and I used to talk in hashtags before Twitter ever came on the scene. So I guess you could say that Liz and I invented Twitter. #yourewelcome
Clearly, for being sporty and strong and kick ass, LEE-uhz is Zara Phillips. Zara is the daughter of Princess Anne, but Anne didn't want her to have a royal title, so she's not a princess. #rude She is an Olympic Medalist, though, so she's definitely got that going for her.
Here she is being classy:
And here she is being sassy:
Another contender in the Royal Gentlemen category is my dad. My dad is a fancy pants author who writes about World War II. So naturally, his Royal Spirit Animal is King George VI. Because he was around for WWII. And he wrote things. (Namely speeches that he didn't want to give.)
My dad also spent what I assume were 18+ torturous years in a house with three women--a wife and two daughters. Just like King George. And, similar to the royal family of the forties and fifties, we often made balcony appearances in our crowns. Thanks, dad!
Last but not least is my college pal Jen. We spent lots of time drinking coffee in the Fan and trying not to die while crossing the intersection at Franklin. Jen is tiny and fierce and altruistic and teaches exercise classes at 6 a.m. in the snow so she might also be insane. You know who was also fierce and altruistic and loved exercise?
Boom! Princess Diana.
She also had a rockin' body. Must have been all the Bodypump classes.
Would YOU like to be compared to a fabulous but useless figurehead of a semi-relevant monarchy? Well then make a donation to my March for Babies Walk, and you too will inherit these treasures!