I love and am slightly terrified by that fact that ya'll will put up cash for me to compare you to royalty. But then I think "I'd do that too. Plus, Jesus was a big ol' royalty metaphor." And then I realize that You Are My People.
And here are some great things he's said over the years. Prince Philip, not Russ.
Oh man, am I excited about this first one. (Also, if you're offended by cussing, stop reading now.) It's my buddy in bullshit, F*ckin' Russ. Russ and I met through his wife Yuki, who you will recall is graceful, polite, and calm in all situations. F*uckin' Russ is not. He cusses a lot. I noted this to Yuki, who said "you mean he cusses like...a sailor?"
It's now prudent to mention that Russ is, in fact, a sailor. Specifically, a naval aviator. Beyond that, he was a Blue Angel and Commanding Officer of the USS Kitty Hawk. And he has more decorations than a Christmas tree, and they all sound bad ass. Like the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, three Strike Flight Air Medals, a NATO Award, and my personal favorite: the Battle Efficiency Award. (In case you're wondering, I don't have this memorized--I looked it up on the internet because F*ckin' Russ is famous like that.)
I tried to out-cuss Russ once. And that's why I got a profanity-laced Valentine's Day card from him, advising me to "consider myself counseled" as I was "outgunned."
Russ & Yuki also invited me to their friends' lake house to hang out on their boat, and Russ made a lunch that was 100% meat. Like, six different types of dead animal. I asked Russ where the vegetables were. He looked concerned that I was not happy. The next time I visited them at the lake, F*ckin' Russ was very excited to show me that he remembered the vegetables. Namely, they were French fries. I'm pretty sure I found myself counseled (and outgunned) AGAIN when I pointed out that French fries are not vegetables.
Wow, this is turning in to a blog about Russ. I'm telling you all of this because Russ has a LOT in common with the European monarch I have selected for him. They both grew up on islands, both were in the navy, both have a bunch o' medals, both married classy ladies, and both say whatever the hell they want.
That's right: Prince Philip. The most crazy ass of all their crazy asses.
Here he is in all his fancy medals:
And in a plane:
- To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: “What are you doing here?” “I was invited, sir.” Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come.”
- To the Aircraft Research Association: “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.”
- To Scottish driving instructor: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”
- “People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.”
Let's now visit the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum to Ms. Emily. Ms. Emily is a true Southern lady. You know the type:
- blesses everyone all the time and really means it
- makes delicious casseroles and iced tea
- decorates for every holiday
- hand writes thank you notes
- is always appropriately dressed for every occasion
- loves Jesus, ya'll.
She's just so sweet that you could stick her finger in your coffee. You want her to be your mom, because after a hard day, she'll braid your hair and make you hot chocolate and tell you a Bible verse in a calm voice. She's a Class Act, that Ms. Emily. And for that reason she takes home the BIG title.
She's QEII.
Next it's on to Kim. Kim is a sassy redhead that I know through church, even though she's moved to the far away land of Pennsylvania. I admire Kim for a few things. The first is that she can actually add numbers and is good with math (this is not my strong suit) which is good, because she's a banker. The second is because she can handle more adversity by lunchtime than most of us deal with in a year, and not bat an eye. She is For Real.
We'll go a little literal, and assign her European Royal as Duchess Philomena of France. Philomena is also a sassy redhead, and has one of the best non-traditional wedding ensembles. Look at her rock that turquoise tiara and cape! This is a seriously awesome outfit. You can tell Philomena (much like Kim) is like "I make the rules here."
Fun fact, since I know Kim through church: her full name is Maria Magdalena Philomena Juliana Johanna de Tornos y Steinhart. Check her out looking all "Maria Magdalena" under that wrap. ;)
And finally, we have my CFO boss, Rick. He said he's contribute double to NOT be mentioned on the blog. No such luck, my friend. Rick is an awesome guy and an amazing boss (and I'm not just saying that). He makes work FUN. Rick's an accountant, and lots of people think he's serious, but he's secretly very hilarious. He's one of the few people that can match me in the sarcasm/quick wit/joke department. Also, he has a wine cellar, and he and his wife (a total fox) let me invite myself over to their house to drink their wine.
Did I mention he brought me a Toblerone bar once when I was sad?
Because he's rolling in dough, has great taste, and has been with the company fo'eva, his royal is appropriately: Prince Rainier III. PRIII was also married to a stone cold fox, probably rolled around in a pile of money every night, had a long tenure, and I can only imagine the wine cellar.
Pretty sure Rick sits like this at work:
Thanks again, fabulous sponsors!!!
And if you haven't donated yet, hurry up and do it now before I run out of good royals and have to move on to the drunk and/or ugly ones. (Camilla, Andrew, etc.)
Here's the link to my March for Babies walk. Til tomorrow, my people!