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Is this real life?

This post is part of my annual Will Blog for Charity series.  If you enjoy reading, I hope you'll make a $5 or $10 donation (or more!) to the charity walk I'm doing for the March of Dimes.
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Someone (British betting house Ladbrokes) had a corgi race called The Barkingham Palace Gold Cup to predict Will & Kate's baby's name.  I am Very Upset I did not think of this first.  This is real life: you can watch it on Youtube.

 The winners were Alexandra for a girl and Spencer for a boy.  I feel like the Girl Corgi has a shot, but the Boy Corgi is clearly incorrect. 
Better luck next year, Albert.
Let's talk for a moment about how I really, really, really want Baby Cambridge to be born on my birthday.  Speaking of which, I've been perfecting the comments on my Amazon birthday wishlist, to include my admiration for DMX, the embarrassing admission about the state of my gym bag, and a thinly-veiled attempt to turn myself in to Kate Middleton.  You seriously shouldn't buy me any of this, because I'm all Independent Woman and whatnot, and I would not want to disappoint Beyonce.
I want this mug.  It should be standard issue for anyone in HR.
So back to Kate Middleton.  Actual royalty-related sentences uttered to a vendor at work today:
Vendor: Well, we would prefer to do it a different (totally ridiculous) way.
Me: Well, I would prefer to be the Duchess of Cambridge.
Vendor: (silence)
Me: When should we meet for tea?  How about 11?
Vendor: We'll go ahead and do it per your original specifications.

 This is real life. 

 Don't get me started on the time that a different vendor took forever to get the WebEx to start, and I made them discuss which Cullen is the BEST Cullen from the Twilight series.  (Answer: Carlisle Cullen.)  I think it was because they were headquartered somewhere near Forks, Washington.  At any rate, they tried to say that Edward was the BEST Cullen, and they were accused of phoning it in.  Because they were.
Seriously, you should never do business with me.  I will torture you.
Speaking of sparkly vampires, let's talk about Johnny Weir.  He is selling some of his clothes to benefit his local fire department!  You can check them all out here.  Again: this is real life.

I like fire departments.  I like Johnny Weir.  I like clothes.  So really, what exactly should I buy?  More importantly, is it a tax write off?  Because I feel like I NEED an $1,100 Sunburst costume, even if it does have loose threads on the left sleeve.

And finally, props to Margie for sharing this link, which rates US Presidents in terms of hotness.  For example:

15. Harry S. Truman - Here is a man whose appearance would be radically improved with the simple addition of a neck tattoo.
27. Millard Fillmore - Does anyone else think it’s suspicious that Millard Fillmore and Alec Baldwin have never been seen in the same room together?

33. Martin Van Buren
—Wake up, President Van Buren! It’s time to pose for your portrait!
—Huh? What? OK, go ahead–I’m ready.
—Do you want me to give you a minute to, uh, comb your sideburns?
—No.

Seriously, you owe it to yourself to read the whole article.

I hope you had a good day today, beloved readers.  And I hope you were entertained by Kate Middleton, Johnny Weir, and our collective Commanders in Chief.  Don't forget to donate to my March of Dimes page--I'm 25% of the way there.  And if you donate, there's MORE than a 25% percent chance that I'll say something hilarious and awesome about you on The Shame Squad.

Unless you have sideburns like Martin Van Buren.  Then you're on your own.

This is, indeed, real life.

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