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Girl Scout Cookies, Rated

This is Part 1 of my Will Blog for Charity series.  Basically, if you find The Shame Squad entertaining, I hope you'll consider donating $5, $10, or more to my charity walk for the March of Dimes.  Two of my coworkers had preemie babies, and I'm walking in honor of their now happy and healthy kids!

 On to today's thrilling subject: Girl Scout Cookies, Rated.
Really, there's no competition here: Thin Mints are, hands down, the BEST Girl Scout cookies.  They taste good frozen.  They taste good at room temperature.  They taste good once they've gotten too hot and melded together.  Plus, the box comes with convenient two-serving-size packages--a sleeve for now and a sleeve for later!

But there's a sinister side to Thin Mints--they have a little-known New England cousin that is scalloped instead of round.  I first encountered this when eating my friend Kyle's Thin Mints in Boston.  What is this madness?

The scalloped kind are made by the ABC Bakers, which sounds like a drug front to me.  The round kind (aka the One True Thin Mint) are made by Little Brownie Bakers.

Thin Mints (the real kind): 5 out of 5
Thin Mints (the suspect kind): 4 out of 5, because "the ingredients may differ slightly."  I'm on to you, ABC Bakers.  I'm on to you.

Here's another cookie with an identity crisis.  I've always known them as Samoas, but apparently they are also known as Caramel deLites, which is the stupidest name ever.


But they're still delicious.  So delicious, in fact, that despite having a childhood coconut allergy (that I've since grown out of, but still find coconut mostly repulsive), in my 20's, I would take Benadryl and then eat a part of one of these cookies.  Don't judge me!  When you're an adult, you can do what you want.

Samoas: 4 out of 5

I'm going to start getting myself in to trouble with Tagalongs, because I like my peanut butter unadulterated.  I like peanut butter, I like jelly.  I do not like them together.  I like peanut butter, I like chocolate.  I do not like them together.  Sacrilege?  Maybe.  But more for you guys.


Tag-a-longs: 3 out of 5

Okay, come on now!  Trefoils have another name too?!  This is getting out of hand.  I did not know prior to my research for this blog entry (i.e., looking at the Girl Scouts web site) that Trefoils are also called Shortbreads.  Well, whatever they're called, they're the most sub-par of all of the cookies.  Trefoils are what you eat when you've exhausted your supply of delicious Thin Mints and Samoas.


Poor Trefoils.  We'll at least give them points for having the Scouts emblem on them.

Trefoils: 2 out of 5

Everyone loves a cookie named after a Square Dance, right?  Do-Si-Dos represent the RIGHT way to do peanut butter--with oatmeal.

Also, the web site is telling me that they're also called Peanut Butter Sandwiches, but that's just foolish, and I refuse to acknowledge it.

Spin your partner round and round!  Have a cookie and then get a....

Do-si-dos: 4 out of 5

Listen, Lemonades and Savannah Smiles, I have a bone to pick with you: you're just third rate versions of the now-retired Cream Chalets.


Cream Chalets were so magical.  They were full of lemon cream and shortbready goodness.  They had a precious little camping scene.  The other side showed a sunrise made with lemon cream.  They were delicious.

Then these showed up:


They look pretty, don't they?  DON'T BE FOOLED.  They taste like lemon flavored sawdust.  Vile.

And these.  Powered sugar coated lemon flavored sawdust.


Lemonades and Savannah Smiles: 0 out of 5

Believe it or not, there are still five cookies left: Dulce de Leche, Cranberry Citrus Crisps, Chocolate Chip Shortbread, and Thank U Berry Much.  Back in my day, there were like, six different cookie varieties and we did just fine, thanks.

I've only ever tried Dulce de Leche, and they were gross.  But I'm not opposed to the other flavors, so we'll give them a collective 3 out of 5 since they're new on the block.  Also, this graphic supports my theory that no one cares about them:


So, did I get it right?  If so, great!  If not, feel free to give me all your Thin Mints.

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