The Shame Squad

Another day, another fabulous set of donors to my March for Dimes charity walk .  You all are so fabulous, in fact, that I'm only $55 away from my $1,000 goal.  I've already had to change the goal twice, but I'll feel good about Our Collective Effort when we hit $1k.   If you haven't donated already, will you be my $55 Kate Middleton?  Or my two $27.50 Sonny & Cher?  Or my three $18.34 Destiny's Child group members? We begin with my sister Amy.  Amy donated to the walk, so long as I donated to her charity cause, Pennies for Patients , because Amy and I are both fans of helping Sick Children(tm).  She is doing this with her 4th grade class at school.  I love Amy's 4th grade class, because they provide lots of entertaining stories.  Some favorites: I came in to help grade papers and such, and they thought I was Amy's daughter. One of her students made a newspaper about the civil war for an assignment, and had a fashion secti...

I love and am slightly terrified by that fact that ya'll will put up cash for me to compare you to royalty.  But then I think "I'd do that too.  Plus, Jesus was a big ol' royalty metaphor."  And then I realize that You Are My People. Oh man, am I excited about this first one.  (Also, if you're offended by cussing, stop reading now.)  It's my buddy in bullshit, F*ckin' Russ.  Russ and I met through his wife Yuki, who you will recall is graceful, polite, and calm in all situations.  F*uckin' Russ is not.  He cusses a lot.  I noted this to Yuki, who said "you mean he cusses like...a sailor?"   It's now prudent to mention that Russ is, in fact, a sailor.  Specifically, a naval aviator.  Beyond that, he was a Blue Angel and Commanding Officer of the USS Kitty Hawk.  And he has more decorations than a Christmas tree, and they all sound bad ass.  Like the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, three Strike Flight Air ...

Such excellent charity walk sponsors today!  As promised, I have compared my donors to attractive members of the European monarchy. Let's start with my former co-worker Andrea, who had an adorable preemie of her own several years ago.  Andrea is ridiculously beautiful, even when her friends and family have forced her to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses.  Not that I personally have ever done that, because I like Andrea too much.  Andrea's daughter Audrey was nicknamed "Sourpatch" for a bit, because she did Sourpatchy things.  Like poop in her closet.  But now Aud seems to be on the up-and-up, except for when Andrea forgets to bring water to her brother's basketball game.  Because Audrey needs water now, dammit. For their preciousness, I'm making Princesses Victoria and Estelle of Sweden the honorary emblems of Andrea and Audrey. Here they are, all fancy.  Seriously, look at that amazing hair.  And bling.  Need it.  NEED IT. ...

This post is part of my annual  Will Blog for Charity  series.  If you enjoy reading, I hope you'll make a $5 or $10 donation (or more!) to the charity walk I'm  doing for the March of Dimes. ************** Someone (British betting house Ladbrokes) had a corgi race called The Barkingham Palace Gold Cup to predict Will & Kate's baby's name.  I am Very Upset I did not think of this first.  This is real life: you can watch it on Youtube . The winners were Alexandra for a girl and Spencer for a boy.  I feel like the Girl Corgi has a shot, but the Boy Corgi is clearly incorrect.  Better luck next year, Albert. Let's talk for a moment about how I really, really, really want Baby Cambridge to be born on my birthday.  Speaking of which, I've been perfecting the comments on my Amazon birthday wishlist , to include my admiration for DMX, the embarrassing admission about the state of my gym bag, and a thinly-veiled attemp...

This is the first in my annual Will Blog for Charity series.  If you enjoy reading, I hope you'll make a $5 or $10 donation (or more!) to the charity walk  I'm doing! ____________________________________________ I kind of jetted off to Mexico without explanation, yes?  It was an all-expenses-paid trip from my job, because I won the Presidential Award of Honor for 2014.  Here's my fancy crystal eagle award as proof: I didn't mention the award until now, because I won it the morning my grandfather died.  I went to the company meeting that morning at 8, knowing that at 11 I'd be at the hospital to say a final goodbye.  I had no idea I was even in the running for any award, but graciously accepted it, and gave a short but (hopefully) humorous speech.  I talked about how HR is tough because "no one likes HR, but if it's not a good time, it's a good story, so thanks for all the good stories."  People laughed and smiled. After various awards w...