Skip to main content

Met Gala Fashion, Ranked

Because you all have been such fabulous donors to my charity walk, I'm recapping The Met Gala, Shame Squad style.  For the uninitiated, the Met Gala (official name: The Costume Institute Gala) is the annual fundraiser for New York City's Metropolitan Museum of Art.  

 NYC + Celebrities + Costumes = total weirdness!  This year's theme was "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination."  Hoo boy.  Here we go!

 Okay, I'm just going to say it: I hate Sex & The City, and Sarah Jessica Parker looks like she purchased a "Buy 9 Botoxes, Get 1 Free" package and then used them all in one afternoon.  The dress is "Beauty and the Beast on a Budget."  Grade: F

 <p><a href="http://people.com/style/met-gala-2018-sarah-jessica-parker-nativity-headpiece-gold-dress/">goes big (as usual) at the Met Gala</a> in an ornate golden gown with heart motif and full train, plus a nativity scene headpiece (all Dolce &amp; Gabbana Alta Moda) and jewelry by Jennifer Fisher and Fred Leighton.</p>

Rhianna was this year's host, and is looking amazing in this outfit, which I will call "Papal Chic."  Also, it looks heavy.  I wonder if she practiced walking around in that sparkly pope hat at her house.  Grade: A
<p>blesses the proceedings in an extremely papal hat, which coordinates with her intricately embellished mini with train and matching shawl-collar coat (all Maison Margiela Artisanal); she adds Christian Louboutin heels, a custom Judith Leiber clutch and jewelry by Cartier, Gilan, Maria Tash,&nbsp;Konstantino Jewelry and Narcisa Pheres.</p>

Blake Lively looks like she stole this from the Game of Thrones set.  I dig it.  Grade: A-
<p>wears a gold-and-ruby brocade and beaded Atelier Versace gown with major attached skirt, Lorraine Schwartz jewelry (including a custom headpiece with 100 diamonds by the designer) and custom Christian Louboutin heels.</p>

Selena Gomez looks like she's wearing a chemise from a late 90's Victoria's Secret catalog, to which she added a few extra layers.  Grade: D-
<p>wears a gauzy custom Coach slipdress with a bag by the brand and Tiffany &amp; Co. jewelry.</p>

Just shut up, Kim Kardashian. There's nothing wrong with this dress (other than the fact that it's too tight, but so is everything she wears); however, you once said you were better than Kate Middleton, so GRADE F for you.
<p>wears a curve-hugging golden sequin Atelier Versace gown with crosses beaded into the material and diamond cross necklaces by Lorraine Schwartz.</p>

I'm concerned about the Olsen Twin on the left.  She doesn't look well, so I'm not going to provide commentary.

 The Olsen Twin on the right is wearing what looks like a very fancy blanket.  I like blankets!  Grade: B-
<p>brought <a href="http://people.com/style/mary-kate-ashley-olsen-met-gala-2018/">their Olsen magic to the Met Gala</a> &#8211; Mary-Kate in a black wrap and Ashley in a patterned caftan, both in Stephen Russell jewelry.</p>

Katy Perry looks like how I wanted to look when I was the angel in the church's Christmas Pageant when I was 12.  Except I didn't have gold boots.  Or cleavage. Grade: B
<p>wears a gold mini topped with glittery netting, gold thigh-high boots and, oh yeah, some giant wings (all Atelier Versace).</p>

J-Lo took the theme a little too literally, and made this during Arts & Crafts time.  Grade: D
<p>wears very on-theme beaded and feathered Balmain with Tiffany &amp; Co. jewelry and Jimmy Choo accessories.</p>

Cardi B stole a Renaissance Festival dress three sizes too small.  Grade: F. This is awful in every way.
<p><a href="http://people.com/style/met-gala-2018-cardi-b-baby-bump-dress/">dresses her bump</a> in custom Moschino with jewels, a custom headpiece, gloves and a massive train.</p>

Gigi Hadid (I have no idea who that is either) is wearing this creation, which I actually find quite lovely.  Grade: A  (Also, what's up with the woman in the background arranging the greenery?  I hope you got paid a lot, greenery-tending lady.)
 <p>wears a stained-glass effect Atelier Versace gown with a rainbow angel wing across her body, Christian Louboutin heels and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.</p>

I don't know how I feel about this.  I like the bodice and the ethereal feeling of this dress.  But it's a little too heavy on the naked angel bodies.  Grade: B?

 <p>in a sky blue gown with a seraphic motif and bow veil atop her bun, plus Butani jewelry.</p>

We get it, Nicki Minaj.  You're an ombre devil.  This looks like the person that's trying waaaaay too hard at the Halloween party.  Grade: D
<p>did that whole <a href="http://people.com/awards/2012-grammy-awards-nicki-minaj-walks-carpet-with-pope-lookalike/">&#8220;fashion and the Catholic imagination&#8221; thing back at the 2012 Grammys</a>, so she goes slightly more subdued in a red ombre sequin halter with matching coat cape, plus a netted and beaded headpiece and glittering Tiffany &amp; Co. cuffs and rings.</p>

Now THIS is how you do Sexy Joan of Arc.  For whenever you need to, you know, dress up like a sexy Joan of Arc?  Grade: B+
<p>goes full Joan of Arc in a silver chain-mail-inspired Atelier Versace gown with armor-like details, a bobbed wig, Jimmy Choo heels and Tiffany &amp; Co. jewelry.</p>

I assume this is how Madonna dresses all the time.  Yawn.  Grade: C
<p>is fully in her wheelhouse, wearing a full-skirted black gown with cross motif in the bodice, custom Lana Jewelry cross earrings and necklaces and Narcisa Pheres jewels, and a crown with veil, plus a handful of black roses and a Judith Leiber clutch.</p>

No, Anne Hathaway, no.  This is not the event for you.  Grade: D
<p>wears Valentino Haute Couture with a full collar and spiked golden headpiece.</p>

Black Panther wore this and it was fun.  Grade: B
<p>wears an immaculate white suit with gold baroque print, a cape with cross imagery and tassel chain (all Atelier Versace), highly polished gold Christian Louboutin shoes and Bulgari jewelry.</p>

Lily Collins dressed like Queen Amidala from Star Wars.  Grade: C-
<p>finishes her sheer-skirted, off-the-shoulder black&nbsp; Givenchy Haute Couture gown with a crown and jewels (including a cross necklace carried as a rosary) by Cartier.</p>

I am concerned for Solange Knowles.  This looks like a vinyl slug that is eating her.  Grade: D-
<p>wears a high-shine sculptural Iris van Herpen dress, plus matching lucite-heel boots and a bag (both Brother Vellies) with a golden halo, as well as jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz and Ofira.</p>

Wait, what?!  Scarlet Johansson is dating Colin Jost from Saturday Night Live?  Who cares about the dress, A+ for you, Colin Jost!
<p><a href="http://people.com/movies/colin-jost-calls-scarlett-johansson-his-girlfriend/">make things <em>really </em>official</a>, she in an off-the-shoulder burgundy-and-baby pink rosette-adorned off-the-shoulder <a href="http://people.com/style/scarlett-johansson-speaks-out-about-wearing-marchesa-met-gala/">Marchesa dress</a> with Fred Leighton jewelry, he in a black Dolce &amp; Gabbana tux.</p>

Oh Mindy Kaling, I adore your writing.  But this look is 90's Prom Gone Wrong.  Grade: D
<p>tops her pale blue belted gown with navy opera gloves and<a href="http://people.com/style/met-gala-2018-mindy-kaling-crown/"> a full crown</a>.</p>

Lena Waithe, I want your cape.  Grade: A
<p>wears a custom Carolina Herrera tuxedo with rainbox chevron cape.</p>

I LOVED this look.  And I kind of wonder if it's what Kate Bosworth wore to her wedding and just re-wore it.  I'm okay with that.  Grade: A
<p>tops off her ivory and gold ballgown with a lace-edged veil.</p>

Amal Clooney is basically like "I felt like wearing pants.  Deal with it."  A-okay, Amal!  Grade: B
<p>the <a href="http://people.com/style/2018-met-gala-amal-george-clooney/">Met Gala co-chair</a> in a floral bustier with full train and navy satin pants, plus Lorraine Schwartz jewelry and Christian Louboutin heels, and her husband in a classic tux.</p>

Frances McDormand generally irritates me, but I just cannot look away from this.  And I kind of like it!  Grade: B
<p>wears a sea-green full cape over a chartreuse gown (both Valentino Haute Couture) and tops it all with an architectural headpiece by Philip Treacy &#8211; <a href="http://people.com/style/frances-mcdormand-met-gala-blue-headpiece/">then notes it took her &#8220;five minutes&#8221; to get ready</a>.</p>

Sigh.  Lana del Ray and Jared Leto are trying too hard.  Grade: F
<p>get extremely into the theme in Gucci.</p>

Oooh, I like this.  And more importantly, I want this headdress.  Grade: A for Amber Heard.
<p>wears a body-hugging red Carolina Herrera turtleneck column with bow at the back, jewelry by Jennifer Meyer and Dean Davidson and a delicate gold halo headpiece.</p>

Brooke Shields didn't follow the theme, but she looks very pretty.  Grade: A
<p>wears a strapless navy Zac Posen ballgown with megawatt Tiffany &amp; Co. gems.</p>

I also, shockingly, thought this was a really cool take on the theme.  It's like Coture Sister Act.  Grade: B+
<p>wears a high-neck black gown with white puffed sleeves and Tiffany &amp; Co. jewelry.</p>

It suddenly occurs to me that I need a halo that I can wear around the house.  Also, love this dress and cape.  Grade: A
<p>wears a shimmering beaded Ralph Lauren Collection plunging gown with full cape and halo headpiece by the brand, plus Ana Khouri earrings and Jimmy Choo heels.</p>

I don't hate Stella Maxwell's decoupage dress.  Grade: B-
<p>wears strapless Moschino with religious iconography plus David Yurman jewelry.</p>

Eliza Gonzalez looks like a 90s super villain.  Grade: F
<p>wears a black sequin cutout gown by Atelier Prabal Gurung with attached high-neck white cape and tops it all with sapphire-and-diamond Tasaki gems and Giuseppe Zanotti heels.</p>

Paris Jackson & Stella McCartney look like they bought these ridiculous dresses just for giggles, did a few tequila shots, and then showed up for photos.  Which is something my best friend and I would do, so sure, ladies, have a Grade; A.
<p>the model and the designer wear custom Stella McCartney, which Paris tops off with a tiara.</p>

Lynda Carter can do whatever she wants.  Grade: A
<p>wears a teal Zac Posen ballgown with bustled overcoat, matching clutch and baroque jewels, including a golden crown.</p>

Cynthia Erivo's dress color and fabric are lovely.  There just needs to be more of it.  And I'm not sure what look she's going for with her face. Grade: D
<p>in a bordeaux velvet Valentino gown with a majorly cutout bodice, jewelry by Eva Fehren, Maria Tash and Yeprem and face adornment.</p>

I thought Priyanka Chopra looked gorgeous, and she wins my best dressed of the night!  Grade: A+!
<p>wears a custom caped Ralph Lauren Collection velvet gown with Swarovski-crystal embroidered hood and tons of Cartier gems.</p>

Popular posts from this blog

Freezer Meal #2 - Maple Pork Tenderloin with Apples

This is the second part of my foray in to freezer meals - the first part can be found here  for Cheesy Shells and Italian Sausage. Today we're making a pork and apples recipe adapted from The Pampered Chef.  I love this one--it's so easy to assemble in advance, most of the ingredients you likely already have, and it couldn't be easier to fix the day you want to eat it (dump stuff in pan, bake). So yummy.  And pretty. Maple Pork Tenderloin with Apples For this you'll need the ingredients below.  You probably have the oil, vinegar, garlic, brown sugar, mustard, and bags in your pantry!  You can also easily divide this recipe if you usually only cook for 2-3 people at a time (that's what I do when I make it). 2 pork tenderloins , about 2 pounds total - they can be expensive, so pick these up on sale 3 apples - I prefer honeycrisp but use what you like, or take one of these suggestions 1 small red onion 1/4 cup canola oil 1 clove garlic , pressed o
Read more

New Year, Old Me

And, after a brief 5 year hiatus, we're back! For those of you who are new here, for a number of years I wrote a blog featuring an assortment of things I found interesting: the British Royal Family, sarcastic hot takes on award show fashion, travel, and (the reason I started it) to help me keep stay on track with eating healthier food. Recently, one of my doctors suggested that I start the blog back up and I thought it was a good idea for a few reasons: chief among them to help with some health goals, plus I'd like to use it as a way to stay connected with some colleagues that departed at work. By way of an understatement, 2023 was a smidge rough.   My dad got really sick in April, and after that, it was a slalom of the American healthcare system / in-home healthcare / nursing facilities / ambiguous loss & living grief .  Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the company I work for turned 24 and, well, sometimes 24 year old companies behave like 24 year old humans.  They're fun
Read more

Kate Middleton, Goofball

My new favorite K-Middy gif came out today.  She and William went for a walk during their day off in Australia, and she totally did this: Big Willy and Babykins (their nicknames for each other) have talked about Kate's sense of humor before in interviews.  Apparently she's funny and sarcastic--now we're more than just hair soul mates!  Below are some of my favorite non-posed Kate pics. They're probably watching horses.  So British of them. This is at the Olympics.  She seems concerned. I'd also like to point out that I'm jealous of how good her ponytail looks. It sounds like she's saying "OMG no way!" Man, I hope that's what she's talking about with the fancy church people at the Queen's Diamond Jubilee service. Again, I suspect ponies are involved here. If you watch interviews with her (and I do) she makes this face all the time.  I LOVE IT. Celebrities: they're just like us!  They hide behind their
Read more