I've written and unwritten this post many times in the past several days. I like to keep the blog hilarious and full of nutrition disasters, frivolous British Royalty commentary, and fashion snark. And I haven't wanted to come across as bossy or condescending, because Lord knows I'm so far removed from having all this figured out.
Several of you have reached out to me to ask for a crash course in how to engage their elected leaders (because of my post card postings, I assume) or how to talk to your "many sides" colleagues or family (because of my HR Lady-ness, perhaps). And so I've started to realize that this is no different than when people send me the "hey, can we talk about mental health because I'm at a breaking point" message or the "family member just came out--not sure how to be an ally?" text. Those are conversations I'm way comfortable with (so call anytime!). This is one where, like I said, I'm still navigating and I'm not an expert. I do think I have something to offer, though, so here are things I invite you to consider as you decide if and how to respond to the racism and hate we saw in Virginia this weekend.
1. Do something beyond posting on social media.
I love you all, and that's why we're friends. I see your posts, and I know that so many of you are putting your money where your mouth is (literally) or giving your time and energy volunteering, or calling your state and local leaders and asking them to be accountable.
But look, I'm talking specifically to you and ONLY YOU right now. Shhh, don't tell the other readers--this is just between us. Because you're special and my favorite. I need to tell you something, and it's this: I challenge you reading to put actions behind your likes, shares, and words. I'm asking you to please do something. TODAY. Right now.
And then, if you're comfortable, tell me about what you accomplished and I'll wildly cheer you (or quietly cheer you, if you're an introvert). If there's something I can do to help our encourage you with putting deeds behind words, please let me know! Taking action can be scary, and I believe in you and your ability to make a difference.
I'm so glad we had this talk. :)
2. Hold elected and appointed leaders accountable--ASK them to speak and take action. Thank them for actions they've already taken.
If you live in Virginia and put your address in here, it will tell you your 2 United States Senators, US House Rep, State Senator, and State Delegate. In order of impact:
3. Continue to learn and challenge your own beliefs.
I briefly posted the other day about how we get one version of history and current events in chool, and reality is someone murkier. I want to be candid without being critical here... the version of equality, civil rights, and race relations I got in school was along the lines of "And then there was the 14th Amendment, which was great. After that was MLK Jr who was very inspirational. Desegregation happened, and now everything is super!"
Now that I'm a little bit older and hopefully more well-read, I see that institutionalized racism is both real and prevalent. In hiring and promotion processes (yes, really, I have seen this first hand and batted it down--and it took a great deal of "speaking truth to power"). In accessibility to health care and drinking water. In criminal convictions, prosecutions, and sentencing.
I'm bringing this up because I feel like it's an area of opportunity for a lot of us to learn. And to that end, I'd recommend following some or all of these organizations on social media:
And now for the mega-challenge: while still preserving your own sanity, don't unfriend or unfollow the people in your feed or in your life whose opinions are different than yours. Love them. Read what they post and seek to understand before being understood. Be curious--ask questions. "It sounds like you believe that..." "If I'm understanding you correctly, you're saying..." (Ideally in person or in a 1-on-1 message. No one likes to be on the 'losing' end of a social media fight.) Then once you've clarified and understood, ask questions. Not jerk-face, antagonistic, prejudicial questions, just genuinely curious questions. It's amazing the amount of self-discovery and self awareness people have (including you!) when we search for understanding.
Several of you have reached out to me to ask for a crash course in how to engage their elected leaders (because of my post card postings, I assume) or how to talk to your "many sides" colleagues or family (because of my HR Lady-ness, perhaps). And so I've started to realize that this is no different than when people send me the "hey, can we talk about mental health because I'm at a breaking point" message or the "family member just came out--not sure how to be an ally?" text. Those are conversations I'm way comfortable with (so call anytime!). This is one where, like I said, I'm still navigating and I'm not an expert. I do think I have something to offer, though, so here are things I invite you to consider as you decide if and how to respond to the racism and hate we saw in Virginia this weekend.
1. Do something beyond posting on social media.
I love you all, and that's why we're friends. I see your posts, and I know that so many of you are putting your money where your mouth is (literally) or giving your time and energy volunteering, or calling your state and local leaders and asking them to be accountable.
But look, I'm talking specifically to you and ONLY YOU right now. Shhh, don't tell the other readers--this is just between us. Because you're special and my favorite. I need to tell you something, and it's this: I challenge you reading to put actions behind your likes, shares, and words. I'm asking you to please do something. TODAY. Right now.
And then, if you're comfortable, tell me about what you accomplished and I'll wildly cheer you (or quietly cheer you, if you're an introvert). If there's something I can do to help our encourage you with putting deeds behind words, please let me know! Taking action can be scary, and I believe in you and your ability to make a difference.
I'm so glad we had this talk. :)
2. Hold elected and appointed leaders accountable--ASK them to speak and take action. Thank them for actions they've already taken.
If you live in Virginia and put your address in here, it will tell you your 2 United States Senators, US House Rep, State Senator, and State Delegate. In order of impact:
- Visiting in person is the most effective. There are actually local offices state-wide. Can you commit to doing this on your lunch break one or two days? As long as you're polite and respectful, the staffers are really nice, even if you're expressing a challenging view.
- Calling on the phone is the second most effective thing you can do. It literally takes 2 minutes per call, and I promise the person on the other end will listen and take down your concerns, your name, and your address (they're just making sure you're a constituent)
- Really afraid of the phone? Postcard or hand written letter time. Be sure to include your name & address so your opinion is counted. But please, consider calling. I hate the phone, but I call, and now it's second nature.
- Send an fax via text. The easiest way to do this is to texted the word RESIST to 50409. If you're the 'not making waves' type, don't worry--this doesn't automatically send you a pink hat and an ACLU bumper sticker. It's just a very simple, easy way to communicate with your elected leaders. You can send letters this way too, or be connected via phone. Give it a try!
- I really want to discourage you from filling out their online contact form or signing petitions, as it has minimal impact. Please visit, call, or hand write.
Not sure what to write or say? Here's are two easy scripts.
Thanking your Representatives: "Hi, my name is (name) and I am a constituent. I am visiting/calling/writing today to thank (Congressperson) for their statement denouncing racism, the KKK, nazis, and white supremacists. I am now asking that they encourage their government colleagues to do the same including (name check people who haven't spoken out). I further ask that they vote against legislation that would institutionalize racism. May I give you my address so that my constituent comments and request will be passed along?"
Challenging your Representatives: "Hi, my name is (name) and I am a constituent. I am visiting/calling/writing today to express my disappointment in (Congressperson's) remarks--or lack thereof--regarding the racist demonstration by nazis, white supremacists, and the KKK. I am asking that (Congressperson) make a statement/clarify their statement to be clear that racism has no place in our Commonwealth or in America. I further ask that they vote against legislation that would institutionalize racism. May I give you my address so that my constituent comments and request will be passed along?"
I briefly posted the other day about how we get one version of history and current events in chool, and reality is someone murkier. I want to be candid without being critical here... the version of equality, civil rights, and race relations I got in school was along the lines of "And then there was the 14th Amendment, which was great. After that was MLK Jr who was very inspirational. Desegregation happened, and now everything is super!"
Now that I'm a little bit older and hopefully more well-read, I see that institutionalized racism is both real and prevalent. In hiring and promotion processes (yes, really, I have seen this first hand and batted it down--and it took a great deal of "speaking truth to power"). In accessibility to health care and drinking water. In criminal convictions, prosecutions, and sentencing.
I'm bringing this up because I feel like it's an area of opportunity for a lot of us to learn. And to that end, I'd recommend following some or all of these organizations on social media:
- Preemptive Love Coalition. They're apolitical, respectful, and I love their message of love.
- Another good one? A Mighty Girl. It's supposed to be for kids and teens, but I've learned a ton through their thoughtful articles. It seems like a great resource for parents and kids, especially when discussing difficult topics.
- Amy Poehler's Smart Girls (yes, THAT Amy Poehler!) is another good one, this time with a bit more of a political lean.
- Ready for something a bit more challenging? Try The Southern Poverty Law Center. They don't mince words. They're direct. Some of what you read will challenge and upset you.
- What organization do you follow that helps you be more informed and challenges what you know (or think you know)? Tell me, and I'll add it here.
4. Love Anyway.
 |
| But what if they're really racist, bigoted jerks? Love them anyway. They got that way somehow, and they're holding on to a lot of hate. Hate corrupts the vessel that holds. Don't be the vessel. Love anyway. |
I'll give you an example: I was talking with a friend-of-a-friend about 'extreme vetting' for immigrants. I have a background in employer-based sponsorship, so I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about the process. The person I was talking with felt the process was "immigrants come to Ellis Island on a boat and we don't know anything about them." So I asked questions. Lots of them. Probably thirty. We finally got down to the question of "so who would make the determination about whether someone had been vetted thoroughly enough to become an immigrant?" and his answer was that he would. "Is that a realistic solution for you to vet every immigrant, and would the community consider your qualified to do so?" He got really quiet. I sincerely thanked him for the conversation, for spending time talking with me, and for sharing his views. And I meant it. It's not about winning, it's about loving anyway.
I'll give you another example: for one week after the election, I challenged myself to read every story that my Facebook friends liked or shared that I didn't agree with. I'll be honest, some of it was scary and infuriating, but some of it challenged the way I thought. For example, a columnist made the point that it didn't matter that the President didn't earn the popular vote, because that's not the way electing a President in the United States works. While it certainly means that the current President doesn't have a mandate, pointing to the fact that he got less votes doesn't mean he didn't win. The rules of the election are to win the electoral college, and that's what he did. It's kind of like being mad that you drew the Lollipop Forest when you were almost at the end of Candyland. You may not like it, but those are the agreed-upon rules of the game.
The second was a column by the head of a pro-life organization that had been invited to participate in the Women's March, then uninvited. She was hurt. She asked a question along the lines of "if the Women's March is devoted to diversity and a respect for everyone's right to be included, why are we excluded?" What could have been a really good conversation ended in a missed opportunity to find common ground, and the way it was handled--as recounted similarly by both sides--was horrible. I unfairly judged my friend who posted it before I read it, and you know what? I'm sure SHE loved ME anyway.
 |
| Dang Lollipop Forest. |
5. Pray...then act.
You know I think prayer is important, and I believe strongly in the power of it. I'm a firm believer that it can give us direction and comfort and support. I've seen prayer work in ways that I can't explain. We must couple prayer with action. Perhaps you are familiar with this story?
6. Put your money where your mouth is.
If you're in a position to donate, here are some suggestions of reputable charities that may align with what you're passionate about. Check with Charity Navigator to make sure you're giving to a reputable, responsible organization.
There are important elections in Virginia this year on November 7th. The last day to register to vote or update your address is October 16th. Head over to the Virginia Department of Elections (or your specific state's Department of Elections) for easy-to-follow steps on how to do this.
We're electing a new governor this year--this is important for many reasons, not the least of which is that the governor can veto things that come out of the Virginia General Assembly. And in the past year, there have been some truly challenging things that made it to the governor's desk, that impact the well-being of Virginians and our economy.
Many seats in the General Assembly are also coming up for a vote. There are members of the Virginia General Assembly that have made troubling statements about what happened in Charlottesville. I'm not offering commentary or noting political affiliations because it's important for each of us to do our own independent research. And only once we've done that, it's important for us to vote.
Only tangentially related fun fact: one of my General Assembly Members is a snake handler that thinks transgender people are part of a giant social experiment conspiracy. And no, I'm not overstating this. I'm trying really hard to love him anyway.
Additionally, it's important for us to encourage others to be informed and then vote--there are two people in my extended family that aren't registered, and I know I have less than 100 days to approach them with cookies in my hand and love in my heart, and ask them to take action. (I don't think they read this, but if they do, special message: I'll bake you cookies regardless, because we're family and I dig you. But I'd really like it if you'd register and head to the polls in November because I think your life experiences and your perspectives are valuable and deserve to be represented.)
So on that note, I'll close. As I said, I'm not an expert, I don't have all the answers. I've been wrong before, and I'll be wrong again. But I do know this: we must put action behind our words.
What action will you take right now, today? And how can I encourage you?
A man was trapped in his house during a flood, and prayed to God to rescue him. He had a vision in his head of God's hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. The water started to rise in his house, and his neighbor offered him a ride to safety. The man yelled back "I'm waiting for God to save me." The neighbor drove off in his truck.
The man continued to pray and think of his vision. The water rose further, and he climbed to the roof. A boat came by with people heading for higher ground, and they threw him a rope. The man told them he was waiting on God to save him. They moved on.
The man prayed in earnest and the waters lapped his feet. A helicopter flow overhead and a voice on a loudspeaker offered a ladder to take him off the roof. The man waved the helicopter off, shouting back that he was waiting on God to save him. The helicopter left, the water washed the man away, and he drowned.
When he reached heaven, the man asked "God, why did you not save me? I believed in you with all my heart and prayed and prayed." God replied, "I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter and you refused them all. What else could I possibly do for you?"So if it is in your tradition, please pray. And then please act. Consider this post your truck, boat, and your helicopter.
6. Put your money where your mouth is.
If you're in a position to donate, here are some suggestions of reputable charities that may align with what you're passionate about. Check with Charity Navigator to make sure you're giving to a reputable, responsible organization.
If you want to donate to a Charlottesville-specific charity, good options are:
Is there a charity that you donate to that I missed? Let me know and I'll add it to the post.
7. Be an informed voter.There are important elections in Virginia this year on November 7th. The last day to register to vote or update your address is October 16th. Head over to the Virginia Department of Elections (or your specific state's Department of Elections) for easy-to-follow steps on how to do this.
We're electing a new governor this year--this is important for many reasons, not the least of which is that the governor can veto things that come out of the Virginia General Assembly. And in the past year, there have been some truly challenging things that made it to the governor's desk, that impact the well-being of Virginians and our economy.
Many seats in the General Assembly are also coming up for a vote. There are members of the Virginia General Assembly that have made troubling statements about what happened in Charlottesville. I'm not offering commentary or noting political affiliations because it's important for each of us to do our own independent research. And only once we've done that, it's important for us to vote.
Only tangentially related fun fact: one of my General Assembly Members is a snake handler that thinks transgender people are part of a giant social experiment conspiracy. And no, I'm not overstating this. I'm trying really hard to love him anyway.
Additionally, it's important for us to encourage others to be informed and then vote--there are two people in my extended family that aren't registered, and I know I have less than 100 days to approach them with cookies in my hand and love in my heart, and ask them to take action. (I don't think they read this, but if they do, special message: I'll bake you cookies regardless, because we're family and I dig you. But I'd really like it if you'd register and head to the polls in November because I think your life experiences and your perspectives are valuable and deserve to be represented.)
So on that note, I'll close. As I said, I'm not an expert, I don't have all the answers. I've been wrong before, and I'll be wrong again. But I do know this: we must put action behind our words.
What action will you take right now, today? And how can I encourage you?