June 4th

I've decided to make a line of greeting cards.  Okay, that's not true.  I've decided to fantasize about making a line of greeting cards.  It will be called P.O.L.I.T.E, and the tag like will be "Cards That Say What You Really Mean."  

Because P.O.L.I.T.E. will secretly stand for Pissed Off Later in the Evening.

If you like THIS card, it's from Emily McDowell Studios.  She makes good stuff.

First, there will be a BINGO card called This Sucks.  The squares will have stupid things people say when you find out you have a terrible illness, or that you can't have kids, or someone you love dies, or it's your first Mother's Day without your mom, or something truly tragic like Chipotle running out of pico de gallo.  Seriously, how does that happen?  Anyway, every time someone says something stupid, you get to mark off a BINGO square with such gems as:

• Everything happens for a reason
• What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
• That reminds me of a time when I...
• You should try crystals/oils/vitamins to make you feel better
• The corn salsa is just as good

And when you get BINGO, you mail it in (Forever stamp included) and in return, you will be mailed a little booklet with the name of your closest bail bondsman so that you can punch one of those people in the face and not have to worry about where to get bail money.

There will be a card for when you lose a pet.  And it won't say "friends leave paw prints on our hearts."  It will say "It sucks so bad that you had to watch while you put the best member of your family down AND THEN pay $300," and then there will be a little tiny envelope where you can put some Xanax or a coupon for Total Wine or a free pass for a day off of work or some Visene.  And also an extra coupon for your vet.

Finally, there will be a Congratulations card for that thing you don't want to go to.  It will cost $55.49.  That's because it will come pre-filled with an explanation as to why you aren't at the thing, $50 in cash so you don't have to go to the bank, a Forever stamp, and a miniature pen so that you don't even have to look for one in your glove box. 

Can you tell I've spent a lot of time in the card aisle of Target lately?  Anyway, here's what happened today at Shame Squad Central:

Breakfast

• 1 cup of strawberries
• Coffee with 1/4 cup of 2% milk
• 2 slices of center cut bacon, cooked crisp

Can I just say how much I love making  bacon in the microwave?  First, because I don't have to lug the George Foreman grill out.  Second, because it gets super crispy and only takes 2 minutes.  Third, because I feel super proud of myself when I see all the bacon grease I'm not eating on the paper towels.

Lunch

• Chicken Eugene (made with 2% sour cream, reduced-sodium ham, and center-cut bacon)
• 3/4 cup of brown rice
• 2 cups of watermelon

Dinner

• Homemade Mexican pizza on Lavosh bread, with fat-free refried beans, cilantro, tomato, onion, 2% cheddar cheese, and hot sauce
• Green salad with tomatoes and light champagne dressing

Here's how this stacks up:

• Taco Bell Mexican Pizza = 550 calories and 30 grams of fat, or 17 SmartPoints
• Homemade Mexican pizza = 350 calories and 8 grams of fat, or 6 SmartPoints.  And is definitely bigger than what you get at Taco Bell.

Why have this?

When you can have this?
(One for now, one for later.)

On the Frugality Front...

I'm currently mentoring a handful of people in their twenties on money/budgeting, so I figured I'd start documenting the frugal stuff I do.  Chris and I joke about "The Fabulous Life of Chris & Alyssa," and how the perception can be that we're total Jet Setters that roll around on piles of foreign and domestic currency for fun.

Notsomuch.

The reality is, of course, that we're not printing money in the basement, and we make choices every day so we can afford trips (or whatever) while still saving and not going in to debt.

We're going to Canada this summer, so I went to the library and got a guidebook for Montreal & Quebec City, and "Drive Time French" to listen to while I drive to/from work.  I suspect I will be playing Chapter 8 - At the Restaurant many times.  Hopefully I will not need Chapter 9 - At the Pharmacy.

I turned the AC off from 6 p.m. last night until 1 p.m. today, and I'm turning it off again tonight.  The upside of poor body circulation--and always being cold when sedentary--is that I can keep the AC cost low!  This might cause you to ask "isn't it better to keep the AC on?  Doesn't it cost more money to cool the house when it gets hot?"  Good question: the answer is that it's more economical to turn the AC off when you don't need it, and on when you do.  More info here.

I also unplugged 9 energy vampires from things that only get used for a few minutes a week (coffee maker, hair dryer, curling iron) or a few times a month (toaster, printer, upstairs computer, dining room lamp, 2 guest bedroom lamps).

"I vant to suck your savings!"

I also listed some accessories on an online yard sale and made $10 super quick.  I love online yard sales, because there's no pesky human interaction. ;)  If you want to find your local one, go on Facebook and search for (Your City) Online Yard Sale.

Then I went to the Teet and got $41 worth of groceries for $7ish bucks, thanks to super double coupons.  I was also the Frugality Fairy and left coupons on the shelf for a few things that I decided not to buy, because the value wasn't super great, even with the coupon.  One of the best things I've ever read about couponing is: Even if something only costs you 5 cents, if you don't need it and can't donate it, it is a waste of your money.

So bottom line is that today I got a book, an audio book, 2 big bags of pretzels, 2 bottles of multi-purpose cleaner, a bag of coffee, shampoo, shaving cream, breakfast sausage, and gummy bears, and it cost...okay, all told, I made $3.

Just kidding, for exercise I did this.  Oh man, Reverse Flys, you are killin' me.

Overall, we'll give the day a Frugal Kate, who wore these $25 Gap pants and a $15 top from H&M to an official engagement. (We will not discuss how much the blazer costs.)