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Poetry for Fabulous Donors, Part 1

As mentioned in yesterday's post, Chris and I are running The Krispy Kreme Challenge (12 doughnuts, 5 miles, 1 hour, no barfing allowed) for charity.  As promised in yesterday's post, Fabulous Donors will receive prizes as follows:
  • $10 - I will write a poem for/about you, to be featured here
  • $25 - You get the poem AND a postcard from me, on which I will write terrible life advice specific to you (postcard to be featured on the blog in a later post, after you receive it)
  • $50 - The poem, the postcard, AND you get to pick what I blog about for one blog post
  • $100 - Poem, Postcard, Blog Post AND a RepliKate!

I've already had many fabulous donors, and am halfway to my goal!  Let's get to some poem writing, shall we?

 My first poem is for my fabulous former coworker, Andrea.  Andrea always makes me laugh, and her Ad Exec husband is hilarious as well (in fact, he does Stand Up Comedy on the side.)  For you, Andrea, I have written a limerick.

A girl from Farmington Hills,
had two kids, two dogs, lots of bills,
a Comedian spouse,
and a very large house,
And so she took lots of pills.

(I doubt that's true.  Andrea's drug of choice is exercise.)
Andrea's dogs, fresh from a bath after they rolled in something stinky.
My friend Miss Emily loves to watch Fixer Upper on HGTV, and loves shiplap (an oft used material on the show) as much as I do.  In fact, she even went to see The Silos in Waco and brought me back a #shiplap t-shirt!  It's fitting, then, that I composed the following:

 An Ode To Shiplap

Three is the number of the houses
'til decision by the spouses,
Then goes in sets of French doors,
farmhouse sinks, as many clocks as able,
Followed by even more:
A thirteen foot custom table,
Details made from antique scrap,
Vintage books, and where one looks
Upon the wall, so much shiplap!


Another former fabulous coworker is Yuki, and naturally Yuk, I've composed a series of haiku based on your life:

Her credit card lost
by her son at the movies
and she let him live.

Wanted: large garage
in Kansas simply to hold 
the motorcycles.

 The carnations say
this is the least I could do
We should just break up.
Yuk and her husband, Buzz Lightyear.
Up next is my best friend, Debbie, who donated under the name "Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!"  In honor of her, I have written a dirge about the closing of El Taco, in the style of Christina Rosetti.

 Why did you close when the snow was falling?
You should have closed when health inspectors came calling,
When the lack of sporks caused trouble,
And the taco burgers cost double,
Now we are in hell,
And left with Taco Bell.
Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!
My final donor for the day is my parents.  My Author/Retired English Teacher father hates acrostic poems, so here is an...acrostic poem!  Amy and I call them BeckyDan (kind of like Bennifer or Branjelina), hence, that will be the basis for our acrostic.

B - Barnett St. has been their home since the eighties,
E - Entertaining, they do lots for church gents and ladies,
C - Church is where they met, in the disco heydays,
K - Kryptonite is chocolate, special dark earns his praise,
Y - Yuletide is when she gets busy, lots of things to undertake,
D - "Damn Casserole" is a holiday dish that they make,
A - Amy and Alyssa, their daughters, are exceptionally witty,
N - Nacho is their pet, an undisciplined gray kitty.
Dan and Becky, circa 1974.
Thank you again, fabulous donors!  You too can become a fabulous donor here.

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