After the party is the After Party

Listen, Queen B, I don't like to criticize, but you're wearing a liturgical dance dress, carrying a poodle fur, and have accessorized with a gold plated keyboard. I can't support this.

J-Lo, you need to move your sparkles up a few inches, dear.

Three cheers for Sofia Vergara. This dress is awesome. Almost as awesome as the $1.5M worth of jewelry she's wearing.

Sigh. Let's move on from this.

The top works. The bottom works. They just don't work together, Hailee Steinfeld.

There's just too much going on with Christina Aguilera. Not the least of which is whatever is happening with her skin.

Amy Adams' hair looks gorgeous with this color dress. I'm totally behind this look. Except for the long little train, but only because I'd end up with it wrapped around an ankle, my head, and someone else's dog after only one drink.

Emma Stone is wearing a size 18 on top, and a size 12 on bottom. She is a size 2. I want to attack her with safety pins and hem tape.

Lupita Nyong'o is so pretty that I just wanna throw acid on her.

Margot Robbie decided to dress like a mime.

Listen Marion Cotillard, even Bjork would think this outfit is weird. What is even going on with the waist? Did you tie a hoodie around it? THIS ISN'T THE GYM, MARION.

Mindy Kaling, you're my hero and you look fabulous. Work it, girl. Work. It.

You know when you pose for one of those Old Western pictures while you're at King's Dominion?

Chloe Grace Moretz is wearing one of those dresses. With a belt.

Heidi Klum is Marvel's newest super hero: Wardrobe Malfunction Girl!

Naomi Watts forgot her shirt.

Um, question for you, Gigi Hadid. Is the top of this dress taped on? If so, what type of tape?

Hope you all enjoyed these...dresses? I'm sure these lovely ladies enjoyed their free drinks.

Freezer Meal #2 - Maple Pork Tenderloin with Apples

This is the second part of my foray in to freezer meals - the first part can be found here for Cheesy Shells and Italian Sausage. Today we're making a pork and apples recipe adapted from The Pampered Chef. I love this one--it's so easy to assemble in advance, most of the ingredients you likely already have, and it couldn't be easier to fix the day you want to eat it (dump stuff in pan, bake). So yummy. And pretty. Maple Pork Tenderloin with Apples For this you'll need the ingredients below. You probably have the oil, vinegar, garlic, brown sugar, mustard, and bags in your pantry! You can also easily divide this recipe if you usually only cook for 2-3 people at a time (that's what I do when I make it). 2 pork tenderloins , about 2 pounds total - they can be expensive, so pick these up on sale 3 apples - I prefer honeycrisp but use what you like, or take one of these suggestions 1 small red onion 1/4 cup canola oil 1 clove garlic , press...

The Oscars, powered by onion dip

My hilarious friends Kelley and Christopher invited me over for the Oscars so that we could judge red carpet looks. Kelley is one of the few people in my life that makes me laugh without fail, and she blogs her adventures--and misadventures--over at The Lundscape . Kelley warned me prior to coming over that they were more "Shame" than "Squad," so that's how we ended up with three types of dip. This was fortuitous, though, because the dips sustained us through grueling hours of pausing and rewinding live coverage, swapping drink recipes we learned on vacation, and discussing what award shows would be like on Middle Earth. Let's dive right in, shall we? Kelley : Janelle Monae's dress was sponsored by the Audubon society. Christopher: This looks like "Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen meets Marie Antoinette." (It is revealed that the designer is Elie Saab.) Alyssa: I'm pretty sure Elie Saab went on a coke bender. Kelley: ...

Freezer Meal #1 - Cheesy Shells and Italian Sausage

A month ago, a coworker invited me to a Pampered Chef Freezer Meal party. I will admit that I went in to it with a little bit of an attitude: " I'm going to have to buy all their seasonings and the meals will be full of processed goo and not taste great ." Four hours of fun, three glasses of wine, $170 for groceries and seasonings, and 14 meals later, I was happily proved (mostly) wrong. Here's how my thinking changed: 1) I'm going to have to buy all of their seasonings - well, yes. This is a service they're offering after all, and I felt like the $70 was more than worth the ideas and ingredients I got, plus not having to do the dishes and getting a free dinner was a bonus! I discovered a few ingredients I would have normally given the "side eye" to, like cherry balsamic vinegar, which costs the same at the grocery store as it does from The Pampered Chef. 2) The meals will be processed - I was expecting lots of Cream-of-Something-Soup r...

The Shame Squad

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